Falling in love with an angel
by xXStarcasmXx
Summary: Jamie's growing up. He has needs. He has feelings Except these needs and feelings are for the wrong person.
1. Chapter 1

** Sorry i've not put anything up for aaages. i've had coursework, exams etc. now i know im just making excuses but i'm kinda hectic at the minute. So this is gonna be like a sequel story thing. and i was just thinking, well Jamie's kinda completely out of it. Who knows how he feels? So here's chapter one in a part of his life after Wanda wakes up.** **Enjoy x**

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My heart was beating way too fast. Not normal. I dunno what I'd do if she didn't wake up. She was an angel, she had to wake up, she was the only one who I could now officially talk to without any sibling awkwardness. She was the only one that really understood me.

I saw her eyes flicker.

"She's waking up!!" I yelled happily. Then my world came crashing round as reality entered my brain. Ian's hand touched her face. I wanted to punch him. Shove him away from her and protect her. He had no righ….wait! What was I saying?! I didn't feel that way for _WANDA. _She was like my sister but not. She was like my best friend. Who I could share everything with. What was this? How could I feel this?

She looked round to him, love in her eyes. My heart was being crushed.

"Ian? Ian where am I?" Her voice dripped with liquid sugar. So beautiful. "Who am i?" She asked. She sounded so scared. I wanted to hug her. Kiss her. Reassure her. Whoa whoa whoa. Did I just say I wanted to kiss her? No way! If I felt like this for her I would get so hurt. I ca..its not poss…and here forth continues my sucky life. I hate my life. I vaguely heard Ian reassuring her while I was having this internal conversation. I suppose, now, she wasn't in my sister's body, I could feel this about her, she was wonderful, amazing, sweet, gentle, undescribingly different.

She was speaking now but I couldn't bring myself to say anything. Her tiny fragile hands hovered above her face. Ian was way too close her now. My fists clenched by my sides. Mel arrived then, speaking viciously. I couldn't hear her. I saw Mel hug her. She began to explain how they chose her body. I burst into life. This was probably the only time I was going to be able to talk to her and look into her shimmering gray eyes. I shoved past Mel to be right in front of her.

"Let me tell her! Let me tell her!" I said. My breath caught with her beauty and I shook myself so I could speak to her.

"Jamie?" She whispered. Shivers ran through my entire body when she said my name. She took my hand, squeezing it gently. An electric current ran through my body and I nervously smoothed back my hair before I began.

"Hey Wanda! This is way cool isn't it? You're smaller than me now!" It was the only thing I could think of to say without revealing my interest in her.

"But I'm still older!" She argued and bit her lip. "My birthday is in two weeks!" I frowned. I knew for a fact she was only sixteen. I had done my research on this body. I couldn't concentrate enough to correct her when she said she was eighteen. I felt a stiffening sensation in my jeans as she bit her lip. I touched her face, so soft, so flawless. My hand fit her face perfectly.

"They let me come on the raid to get you!" I said, softly.

She muttered, "I know. I remember…well Pet remembers seeing you there."

I heard how annoyed she sounded so defended myself quickly, "We tried not to scare her though! She's sorta fragile looking, you know? And nice, too," I blushed as I basically complimented her but nobody noticed. I hurriedly continued, "We picked her out together, but I got to decide! See, Mel said we had to get someone young-someone who had a bigger percentage of life as a soul or something. But not too young coz Mel said you didn't want to be a child," I didn't add how glad I was coz of that. That alone brought a blush to my cheeks.

"Then Jared liked this face, because he said no-one could ever dis…distrust it," I paused as she looked into my eyes and another prickle of shivers resounded through my body, " You don't look dangerous at all. You look the opposite of dangerous. Jared said anyone who sees you would naturally want to protect you, right Jared? But I got the finalsay because I was looking for someone who looked like _you. _And I thought this looks like you. Because she looks sorta angelic and you're good like that. You're real pretty. I knew you'd be pretty," I dropped my eyes as my blush deepened. Then I turned bitter. "Ian didn't come though, he just sat here with you-he said he didn't care what you looked like. He wouldn't let anyone else put a finger on you at all, not even me or Mel. But Doc let me watch this time. I don't know why you didn't let me watch before. It was way cool. They wouldn't let me help though. Ian wouldn't let anyone touch you but you." _And he had no right to stop anyone else. _Those words whispered through my head as he leaned in to whisper to her. I couldn't hear what he said but by her smile, I was jealous how I wasn't the one to make her smile. She still held my hand. I looked down at our entwined hands, wishing I could do more. I couldn't deny these feelings. I loved her.

DAMMIT! HOW COULD I ALLOW MYSELF TO BECOME VULNERABLE? It took ages for me to get over Mel leaving me with Jared and I just couldn't cope with any more depression in my life.

I couldn't take any more of this. I pulled my hand out of her hand. She didn't even notice. Ian was too busy kissing her. I pushed through the crowd, out the room. Nobody noticed me leave. Nobody noticed the tiny tear that escaped my eye.

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**Question for y'all: Panda bears or Polar bears? **

**:P can't decide.**

**So anyway, Like? Hate? No comment? Want me to continue? Tell all people!!!! **

**Peace out! x**


	2. Chapter 2

**Soooo second chapterr people!!! Enjoy! x**

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I stormed through the deserted hallways, fuming. How could he just kiss her like that?!

_Because he knows she loves him. _

BUT SHE NEVER SAID THAT! What if she wanted someone else?! After all it was MY hand she was gripping.

_But she loves him. _

"Argh SHUT UP!" I screamed at my mind. I can't take it any more! I slammed my fist into the wall, ignoring the tears that were flowing freely across my face. I repeatedly slammed my fist into the wall. The pain was becoming intensified. But I didn't feel any in my hand. The pain was entirely in my chest.

"Jamie? JAMIE! What the hell are you doing?!" Jared yelled, running up to me and trying to restraining the hand that continued to pummel the sharp rock. He grabbed me around my middle and pulled my away from the wall.

"No. no." I whispered, hanging limply in his arms. I collapsed onto floor, pulling Jared down with me, and curled up against the wall. My hand was numb but I could feel the warm liquid spreading across it. I couldn't control the tears escaping my eyes. Jared stared at me.

"Jamie, what the hell did you think you were doing?! What's wrong?!" He asked.

I shook my head, unable to speak. He fell to his knees and pulled me into a hug. I winced as my hand was strained. I couldn't move.

"Jamie, you know you can tell me anything, don't you?" he asked, gently brushing my hair away from my face.

I shook my head again. Sure, I was close to him. Sure, he was nearly like a brother to me. But, I couldn't tell him. I couldn't tell anyone this. Especially since what I was feeling was wrong.

"Well, you can. Jamie, trust me. What's wrong?" he asked again. I wanted to tell him. More than anything. But I just couldn't. He wouldn't understand. He'd tell Mel. And Mel couldn't know. At all. I moved away from him. Leaning against a wall, I put my head between my legs, resting my arms on them.

"Nothing." I whispered.

I could almost hear his eyebrows shoot up.

"I just want to be left alone Jared" Not daring to glance up, I let my hair fall across my face, "I just have some things I need to deal with."

I heard him sigh, then slowly get to his feet and walk away.

_Come back! _I almost screamed. Wishing I could tell him everything. Wish that would make it easier. Wish I didn't feel like this. Except I couldn't, and it wouldn't make anything easier and I do feel like this. I put my face in my hands and sobbed. I couldn't have her!

This alone was torture. The perfect girl. The only girl. I've never felt this way before. She's the only one. I couldn't handle this. I tilted my head against the wall and pictured her. The beautiful shimmering eyes which pored so deeply into mine, the soft blond eyebrows which would often crease together in worry for _me._ Golden sunshine hair which framed her perfect, flawless face. And even underneath that, words, full of wisdom, always had the power to make me happier. She was like earth and sky. Day and night. Angelic, soft and sweet but always determined. And she was all Ian's, I thought bitterly. I shook my head. I couldn't stay here. I needed to be strong. Like Jared. I needed to be tough. Maybe then I could match up to Ian.

_In your dreams. _

I growled at my inner voice and stood up, wiping my tears away. I started in the direction of the Brandt and Aaron's room so I could change my clothes. These jeans needed a break. I'd been wearing them for almost a week. I only had one other pair of jeans and one other t-shirt. I might ask Wanda if she could get me some more clothes. Then I froze at what I was saying. The thought of actually talking to her had me shivering from head to toe.

"Jamie!" I heard my name being called out. I reluctantly turned round to see Uncle Jeb walking towards me.

I honestly did try (and kinda fail) to put on my happiest face, "Yeah?"

Jeb frowned at me and cocked his head, "You alright, kid?"

I nodded fast.

His eyebrows knitted together more, "O…kay. I was just seeking you out to tell ya that there's a free cave if you want it. I mean it's kinda out of the way but its there for ya if you want it."

His words completely surprised me. Not only was he telling me I could have my own cave, but he was also giving me the choice. "Wow, yeah okay. That's awesome."

"Kay, so dya wanna run and get your stuff and I'll take you there. I'll meet you in the game room with a mattress as well." And saying that, he walked off, leaving me in complete shock. I pulled myself together and ran to Aaron and Brandt's room. They'd probably be told later. I grabbed my other jeans and t-shirt, my jacket, my only book, my new toothbrush and toothpaste (which Wanda got me! Yes, I got goose bumps when I picked it up), my pillow and my photo of mum, dad and Mel. I was just picking that up when I noticed my hand was still dripping blood. I put everything down and ripped a bit of fabric away from the cloth covering the door and quickly tied it round my hand. There, that should hold. I dunno how I was going to explain it. I picked up all my stuff and left the room without a second glance.

I ran all the way to the game room to see Jeb struggling with a mattress twice his size.

"Here, let me help," I murmured. I put all my stuff onto the mattress and then picked up the other end of it.

"Thanks," he said, staring at my hand, "Should I ask?" I shook my head sadly.

"Okay!" He said in his cheeriest voice. He whistled the entire way to my new room, his happiness penetrating the darkness in my mind and stabbing all the way through it. He led the way through a tunnel I'd never been before and at the end of that tunnel there was a bright blue door fitting perfectly. My jaw dropped open.

"Think of it as an early birthday present, kid," he said.

I turned to him, "Omg, thank you Uncle Jeb, thank you so much!"

Jeb laughed, "If you like this, wait till tomorrow, you are gonna love your actual birthday present."

I stared at him blankly, "Birthday?" I thought he was just kidding at first.

"Sure, now Mel's back, dya really reckon she's gonna let us forget you're birthday? Wanda got it back when she was in Mel's body." And just like that the stabbing in my chest returned.

"Cool," I said detachedly. Jeb noticed my change in tone but said nothing.

"Anyway, lets get this in there and then you can get some rest coz I've a feeling you're gonna need it for tomorrow."

_Oh you have no idea how right you are, Jeb. _

I said nothing. He put my mattress down in the middle, patted me on the back with a worried look and then left. I looked around my new room. It was small but not too small. It had some cracks in the walls to act as shelves. All in all, I loved it. I collapsed on the mattress, shoving everything off the bed. Why was it always my sucky hormones that had to mess up my life?

I rolled over onto my back. And why did Wanda, who was so pure, so gorgeous, have to come back looking like an angel? It just wasn't fair. My eyes drifted closed. It seemed like her face was imprinted on my eyes. She's just so impossibly beautiful. I tossed and turned, trying to get that image out of my head. Trying to fall asleep. It wasn't working. I sighed, and pummelled my pillow into a comfier shape. It must have been really late at night; I could see the stars sparkling in the darkness of the night sky. I tried another technique. I imagined a large meadow. I remember my mum telling me this, if I ever needed to relax. I remember scoffing how I would never need to relax. How it was a sissy thing to do. I laughed at her. Who's laughing now, huh?

So a large meadow, nice and grassy. I could actually feel myself succumbing to sleep. I was sat in the middle of this meadow, could hear a stream bubbling away gently, feel the wash of warmth as the sun watched over me. I was in bliss. I shut my eyes in this dream and leaned back till I was lying down.

Suddenly, I felt a tickling on my neck. I smelt raspberries. My eyes snapped open to see Wanda leaning over me, the sun was shining all around her, her eyes were sparkling more than usual, and she was practically glowing. I could only see love in her eyes, and lust. My heart set on the fastest race possible, trying to climb out of my throat. My body tensed, especially my cock. I could hardly breathe. Could she feel my hardness? How would she react to it?

I reached up to her hair and tangled my fingers in it. It was so soft. Not once did she break her eye contact from mine. I loved the feeling of her slender body against mine. I wrapped my other arm around her waist. She was just so perfect. She slowly lowered her mouth onto mine. I relaxed completely, and rolled over so she was being pressed to the ground. My breathing became uneven, as she opened her mouth ever so slightly. On impulse, I slipped my tongue into her mouth. I heard a little breathy laugh escape from her throat. She grabbed my hands and slid them under and up her shirt. Her skin was so soft, so delicate. My hands felt so massive against her stomach, so cold against her warmth. She moved one hand to my face then as the other began travelling down my stomach. She unbuttoned my jeans and my breath caught. This. Was. Not. Happening. She pulled away from my mouth to wink at me as she slipped her hand below the waistband of my boxers and slowly began to stroke my throbbing hardne….

I shot up awake, my heart beating so fast. I once heard someone say that a mouse heart beat a million times a minute. Whose is beating faster now? My entire body was shaking. I had never felt anything like this before. I tried to raise a hand to brush my hair back from my face, but I couldn't find one. Then I realized it was cupping something. Under my jeans. My eyes widened. I pulled my hands out quickly. I could still feel the electricity shooting through my veins.

Perfect timing to get a new room though. Thanks Jeb.

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**Soooo Jamie's not so innocent ;) :P **

**i am currently soo addicted to hey monday. dunno why. they used to really annoy me coz they were literally copying paramore. anywayy...favourite songs, 6 months and obvious. i am also in love with kevin jonas' song. he's got such a different voice! it's like not so whiny and more mature. doesnt mean im not still in love with Nick coz he just rules. **

**Grr and im so annoyed at liverpool for beating united yesterday. was sooo annoying. was funny how they were throwing beach balls onto the pitch though. LOL**

**i'm also addicted to Merlin....hmm *plots a fanfic* actually seriously thatd be kinda funny. **

**ANYWAY....Question for today....Whats your fave fruit???**

**Me: i cant decide between blackberries or apples....actually together they work quite well... you should try it sometime :P **

**Peace out x**


	3. Chapter 3

**So third chapter...sorry its a few days late...ive had stuff....lamest excuse ever but yeah..i might have just possiblymaybealmost got a new boyfriend!!! you could tell i was dying to say that werent you? LOL. but yeah...just yeah...he's called david. and yeah hes kinda hot. plus im best friends with his sister. and no im not a cow like that. i was friends with her wayy before i met her brother. but yeah..anyway...back to the story...enjoy x**

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I had only just managed to collect myself together when I heard footsteps echoing down my corridor. I frowned and looked up at the sky, it was quite light, and so I must have been asleep for a long time.

"Jamie?" I heard Jared call out. I sighed, looking down. Then I saw the bulge in my jeans. My eyes widened even more. It was so noticeable!

"Jamie? Jamie, can we come in?" Mel's voice added to the knocking on my door. I grabbed my jacket and spread it out over my lap.

"Sure," I croaked. I cleared my throat then tried again, "Yeah come in."

My door opened showing four massive smiles. I couldn't make out who the other to people were before Mel ran in hugging me so I nearly fell backwards.

"Happy Birthday Jamie!!!" She yelled in my ear, grinning, hugging me as if I was a lifeline.

"Thanks," I muttered. She gave me a weird look then shrugged it off.

"Wait till you see your present! You're gonna love it!"

"What is it?" I asked nervously. I hoped it wasn't something like a cd player; I didn't want to constantly ask Wanda to bring back batteries. Ahh…Wanda, the name had the power to make me harder.

Mel grin grew wider, "It's kinda from all of us. I had the idea and told Wanda and she got you it!"

"I drove though!" Jared stated stubbornly as if feeling he was left out.

Mel kissed his cheek when he knelt down beside me giving me a hug, "you sure did honey." I almost puked from all the lovey-doveyness. I peered round them to see who else had entered my room, and I swear my heart literally stopped.

It was her.

The mortal angel. She was smiling angelically at me, so perfect, the wonderful curves to her body. I remembered my vivid dream, how perfectly she fit against me. She turned her attention away from laughing at Mel and Jared to focus on me. She smiled widely at me. I blushed and turned away to the person next to her. Just like that, the gentle warmth she gave me turned to a fiery blast which shot through my heart, killing it. Ian had an arm wrapped protectively around her.

"Jamie? Jamie, baby, what's wrong?" Mel asked, hugging me again. I guess the change in my face was quite noticeable. I took my attention off him and turned to her.

"Nothing," I said hastily, "So where's my present then?" I demanded, trying to sound happy.

Mel looked at me, frowning, "It's outside, Jared-go get it."

I hugged Mel, trying to distract her, thinking up anything to just to get her off my case, "I've just missed you that's all." Her arms tightened around me. She pulled back.

"I'm not going anywhere ever again, okay?" She whispered.

I felt someone kneel beside me again, but it wasn't Jared.

It was her.

She wrapped her slender arms around my broad shoulders, hugging me, "Happy Birthday Jamie."

I remained unmoving through the entire hug, unwilling to risk me wanting to do more. As she drew back, she kissed my cheek gently. My heart leapt giddily and I could feel a sudden rush of heat. My cock hardened so much. I could almost feel it pulling me towards her. I let her go, not sure of what I might do if I continued to hold onto her. She gave me a confused look. I pushed away from her.

"Anyway, I hope you like it!" Jared said, happily.

"Oh….my….GOD!!" Right in front of me sat something I would have never deemed possible to see again in my life. It's smooth chestnut curves shone tantalizingly tempting. The strings so perfectly aligned. My hand reached out then closed in a fist. I looked at Mel.

"Is that really for me?" I asked, slightly worried that they might have presented me with the best thing in the world just to snatch it away.

Mel nodded and grinned, "Yep, it's real; you have your very own acoustic guitar."

I tenderly took it into my arms, blushing fiercely.

"Thanks Mel," I muttered, refusing to look up.

"Anytime, bro! But you better get practicing coz everyone is dying to hear that voice of yours with backing to it," Mel said, happily.

My head snapped up, "What?! Mel! I don't even…I cant even…I don't know whether I can even play! I don't know if I can remember! How am I supposed to play in front of so many people?! I don't even know any songs!"

"Then write one. Take as long as you want." Jared said.

"Yeah, we'll give you some peace," Wanda said, gently. I refused to look at her.

Mel patted me on the back, "You'll figure something out. Oh, and you might need this, to write on." She handed me a pen and notepad. At that, they all stood up and left. Just before Mel left the room, I ran up to her and hugged her.

"Thanks Mel. Love you," I whispered.

"Love you too baby," she said, hugging me back and then she left.

I went back and sat down next to my new guitar, running a finger across the smooth polish. I picked it up gently and began strumming softly the first chords I ever learnt. Words began forming in my head.

"That's good," I murmured. I picked up the pen and notepad and started scribbling down lyrics.

_**About 5 hours later**_

I stood nervously at the entrance of the mess hall. EVERYONE had gathered to hear this. Jared patted me on the back. I'd snuck in and grabbed some _heal _for my hand and it was as good as new. I flexed it, nervously.

"Want introducing kid?" Jared offered. I frowned at him. Everyone already knew who I was. I pushed past him into the hall. The entire hall erupted into applause. I ducked my head in embarrassment and perched on a nearby table. Everyone's eyes were on me. I looked around, looking for a certain someone and there she was. Wrapped in Ian's arms. I shook my head and looked away.

"Um…this is a song I wrote today, and I, uh, I hope you like it," I looked to Mel and she gave an encouraging nod. I started playing the soft tune:

_Hands touch, eyes meet  
Sudden silence, sudden heat  
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl  
She could be that girl  
But I'm not her guy:_

Can't dream too far  
Can't lose sight of who I am  
Can't remember that rush of joy  
She could be that girl  
I'm not her guy

Ev'ry so often we long to steal  
To the land of what-might-have-been  
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel  
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb  
She is the one, cant have her  
Gold hair with a gentle curl  
That's the girl I want  
And Heaven knows  
I cant have her….

Can't wish, can't start  
wishing only wounds the heart  
I wasn't born for the girl I love  
there's a guy I know  
she loves him so  
I'm not her guy

I glanced around nervously. The faces ranged from admiration and pride (especially on Mel's face) to the shock on Jared's face as he slowly processed what I just sung. I didn't expect anyone to get it! How the hell did he understand? I looked at him, pleading with my eyes, wishing him not to say anything. His face hardened over and he nodded as the entire room burst into applause again. I saw him clapping very slowly, all my actions processing in his brain. Suddenly I was angry. Why should he get involved with my life? He wasn't even family as much as Mel tried to force it on me.

I turned my attention away from him to the person who was clapping the hardest and craziest. It was her. My…I mean… the angel. Wanda's face was alight. I smiled widely, unable to concentrate. It seemed like everything disappeared and she was the only one there. My eyes traced all over her, from her shimmering eyes to the bare, smooth, silky satin legs. I almost moved towards her then but Jared caught me, wrapping his arm around me and presenting me into the crowd, "Jamie Stryder everyone!"

The clapping got harder. I tried shrugging him off but his grip got tighter. He leaned in towards my ear, "We need to talk," he muttered. I pulled away from him.

"Now, Jamie!" he said between gritted teeth.

I narrowed my eyes at him. By now, the applause had stopped and everyone had returned to their casual chatter.

"Look, we can do this the easy way or the harsh way," he threatened.

I knew he could just drag me out the room if he wanted to. I sighed and stormed out past him. I kept walking, carrying my guitar with me. He followed me silently until we reached one of the tunnels farthest away from the mess hall. I almost thought (hoped) he had stopped following me when he grabbed my arm and pulled me around. I turned to him, daggers in my eyes.

"Jamie. You better have been kidding in that song," he whispered, closing his eyes and clenching his fists.

He looked so scared for me, I blinked, trying to restrict the tears from falling. "I wish," I whispered.

"You're in love with Wanda," he stated.

It wasn't a question but I answered, "Yes." There was silence so I nervously added, "You aren't gonna tell anyone are you?"

He surprised me with a burst of laughter, "Tell..tell anyone? Dude, how long you gonna hold this in for? What you gonna do 'bout it?"

"Nothing, I can't do anything. It'll just go away," the last bit was mainly a prayer.

He raised his eyebrows at me, "Dude, I just saw… just saw you perform that song. You're in love with her. As in this is NOT gonna go away. I'm in love with Mel, its not gonna go away, ever. And this is like proper major love. You wrote a song for her! That's not just your ordinary crush, kid. Its not gonna go away."

"THEN WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?! SHE FUCKING LOVES IAN!" I yelled, fuming.

Jared actually took a step back. The tears were running freely now, I just couldn't control it. I slipped down the wall I was backed against and put my head in my hands.

"I just...," I sighed and tried again, "I just can't handle this any more."

Jared stepped forward and fell to his knees in front of me. He took hold of my chin, pushing it up so he could look me in the eyes. Then he sighed and hugged me. I clung to him like he was my lifeline.

"It's gonna be alright, kid," he murmured, trying to comfort me. I just sat there and let his words soak through me, tormenting me. It would never be alright.

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**right so i'm kinda gonna need to hold myself back here coz sooooo many things have happened this week. i'll list them.  
a) WESTLIFE WERE ON THE XFACTOR AND SUNG DAUGHTRYS SONG.....i honestly cant decide which ones better. maybe you can help me with that. theres a question for you.  
b) BONJOVI IS GONNA BE ON THE X FACTOR THIS WEEK!!!! how excited are you?!!! i am. extremely. hyperventilation attack.  
c) DAVID TENANT WAS ON SARAH JANE ADVENTURES OMG OMG OMG.....more hyperventilation....  
d) has anyone seen that michael jackson film? it made me cry....so amazing. cant believe hes dead...:(  
e) i discovered this amazing person on youtube, awesome singer....called davedays..look him up....he has an obsession with miley cyrus which is soo funny and he was even on the news! :D im currently obsessed with his version of Feliz Navidad. i know its a bit early for christmas but ah well. ooh and you gotta listen to his version of party in the usa...its called get outta my head miley LOL! Also Benton Paul...good singer...extremely good....as is Matt Nathanson....theres some music for you to go listen to and of course dare you to move which is one of the best songs in the world x**

**but anywayy.....i hope you like this chapter....i've already given you one question but i'll give you another...ummm**

**Q: Texting or Calling? What do you prefer?**

**My answer: Calling coz its more personal and you know how the person will react to what you say. Although alot of the time i say stuff and then try to change the conversation and then they wont let it slide....hmm...so maybe texting coz its easier to change the topic...dunno. **

**Peace out x**


	4. Chapter 4

**4th chapter then!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEE. soz....lil excited. lol. sorry its late again. i did manage to finish my ict coursework though! woohoo. but yeah. i go back to school next week so its probably gonna take even longer for me to update. what with school work and boyfriend etc. but i will try my hardest kay? dont lose faith! lol. enjoy x**

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"Jamie?" I heard a voice call my name. Jared snapped round.

"I'm guessing you don't want Mel to know, right?" he said, low and quiet.

I nodded then realized he couldn't see me coz his back was to me, "I don't want her to know."

"Go then," he whispered. I was too frozen to move. He looked behind me then shoved me the other way, "Go!"

I started running towards my room, blindly, I couldn't see from all the tears. I managed to find it, so I ran in, slammed the door and threw myself on the bed. It just so wasn't fair. Why couldn't there be like a new girl who I could fall in love with? Why was it Wanda? Trust it, to have the suckiest life in the world.

A few hours later, I managed to cry myself out. I was grateful nobody had come to look for me. Jared was probably keeping them all away. I was still annoyed at him but he knew now and I couldn't take it back. I sat up against a wall, strumming at my guitar. That was the only thing that used to be able to make me calm. I shut my eyes, imagining walking out of this room, turning left, and left again and then into the room which Wanda resided in, with Ian. The thought of that snapped me back. Wait what if she had already… I couldn't bring myself to finish that sentence. But what if Ian had forced her? I would kill him. I stood up, fists clenched. How dare he touch her? But then again, what if she wanted it? I slid back down the wall. All of this was making my head hurt. I returned to strumming chords and thinking about mistakes I kept making. I started singing along softly, with words I was just making up in my head,

"_Pick up all my tears  
Throw 'em in the backseat  
Leave without a second glance  
Somehow I'm to blame  
For this never-ending racetrack you call life_

So, Turn right  
Into my arms  
Turn right  
You won't be alone  
I might  
Fall off this track sometimes  
Hope to see you on the finish line

Driving all my friends  
At a speed they cannot follow  
Soon I will be on your own  
Somehow I'm to blame  
For this never-ending racetrack you call life

So, Turn right  
Into my arms  
Turn right  
You won't be alone  
I might  
Fall off this track sometimes  
Hope to see you at the finish line

I doing all I can  
And I give  
Everything  
But you had to go your way  
And that road was not for me"

I paused, tears threatening to overwhelm me. I swallowed, nervously.

"Turn right  
into my arms  
Turn right  
you won't be alone  
I might  
Fall off this track sometimes  
Hope to see you at the finish line"

My eyes brimmed up. There was a soft knock at the door. I quickly wiped away my tears. The door opened and my heart literally stopped.

"Wanda? Hey, what are you doing here?" I said, shakily.

"Am I not allowed to come see you any more?" she asked, hurt clouding her voice. I realized then that I had been pretty mean to her. I'd been ignoring her.

"No!" I realized what my startled outburst might've meant. I took her hands gently, "You can come see me anytime you want, even at midnight, I'll be awake."

She frowned, "you'd be awake at midnight?"

"For you, yes," I muttered, releasing her hands.

"What did you say?" she asked.

"Nothing," I said quickly looking away. She came and sat down next to me. I leant over, my arms leaning on my knees.

"Jamie, are you okay?" she put one hand on my back, rubbing it gently. I jumped.

I nodded, my breathing becoming uneven.

She gave me a weird look, and then froze. She moved away from me, as if trying to work out a really hard maths puzzle.

"Y…Am i…huh?!" She stuttered, staring at me.

"Jamie?" she said, shocked. I snuck a look at her.

"Jamie, who was that song about?" She whispered.

I looked at her, "I think you know."

"When?" she asked, still in shock.

"I think, vaguely always. Except not properly until you woke up in the new body, if that makes any sense," I said, I'd even confused myself.

She nodded.

"Jamie, I jus…" I put my finger to her lips.

"I don't expect you to do anything. It's alright. I'll g…get over it. You love Ian. I know. Don't worry. I'll be fine," I said quickly.

"I think I should go," she whispered.

"Sure," I agreed. She needed time to think, I think. So did I. I needed time to get over her really.

I stood up, took her hand and lifted her to her feet. She walked to the door, and then turned round. Those eyes were just so mesmerizing. She walked up to me and hugged me, "Sorry," she whispered.

I pulled back, "Why are you saying sorry to me?"

"Coz I can see this is hurting you and it's my fault," she whispered looking down.

"Wanda, this is not your fault!" I insisted. I lifted her chin so she was looking at me, "No way is this your fault. It's entirely mine."

She shook her head. On impulse, I leant forward and gently brushed my lips against hers. At that point, my mind caught up with my actions and I pulled away from her, moving back.

She was looking at me, eyes wide.

"Omg. Wanda. I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. I shouldn't have done that. Can you just forget it? No. of course not. I kissed you. Massive deal. You're never gonna forgive me. Omg. You hate me. I've screwed up big time, I'm so…" I was trailed off. She'd walked up to me through my entire babbling and pulled my head down so she could reach my lips.

"Shh…" She whispered then pressed her lips against mine again. And then my mind just switched off. One hand went to her face, cupping her to me and the other slid down her back pressing her petite body against me. Her tongue snaked out to gently lick my lip and I jumped in surprise. She raised her arms so they were around my shoulders. I could feel her teasing the soft skin under my shaggy hair. I shivered and my mouth opened with hers. She slipped her tongue into my mouth and a low growl escaped from my throat. I pushed her against the wall without breaking the kiss and managed to get her closer to me if that was even possible, unable to control what I was feeling. Every inch of my skin was electrified, on fire. I was burning up. There was almost a spark between our lips. She pulled on my lower lip gently but I didn't want gently any more. I pulled her off the wall, and pushed her down on the bed, going down with her. I hovered over her, looking into her shimmering eyes. How did she have the power to make me feel like this? She reached up and kissed me again, this time, deepening it. She found the hand that was still cupping her face and twined her fingers with mine. This simple move had the power to make me so hard.

"Ahem," A throat was cleared behind us. I literally jumped a foot in the air off Wanda, falling onto the hard floor. I stared up at the person framing the door.

* * *

**has everyone heard about Wayne rooneys kid? sooo cute...its called Kai and its a baby boy. very cute. Sooo anyway...sorry to leave it on a cliffhanger but i couldnt think of a good way to end the chapter and i wanted you guys to have something to read. oh by the way thank you for all the great comments you guys have left me. i honestly can think of nothing better. you guys a great. thanks so much. you guys probably dont read this bit but if you do...THANKS! there. that should catch your attention. **

**Guess where David's taking me on my first date....his house. but his parents'll be out...and he wants to show me his bedroom...nervous attack! but no hes not like that. hes not gonna pressure me for sex or whatever...i hope not at least. umm anyway guess what we're gonna watch though! A) Jonas brother concert and B) many scary films.... i think he did that on purpose so i could get scared and cuddle up to him. p.s. i get scared very easy. hes gonna have a good time. im not. **

**Q: What'd be your dream concert? Who would be there?**

**My answer: Well, first for starters, david archuleta and then something harder, like Friday night boys and Hey Monday and then...Westlife, have a nice calming thing and then bon jovi of course to get us back up on our feet and then maybe mia rose- shes only got one song though and then of course jonas brothers and honor society x**

**Peace out x**


	5. Chapter 5

**wohoooo 5th chapter and history coursework finished...also..umm...first kiss...was nice..didnt expect to like it that much. ah well. he didnt pressure me for sex. and actually he was really nervous. was very adorable. made me like him even more. he kissed me really unexpectedly and then blushed. so i kissed him again. no im not a slut. but i have needs. just like jamie. you'll like the end of this chapter ;)**

* * *

"Ian's looking for you, Wanda," Jared said calmly. I sat up quickly.

I felt so furious. Firstly, that Ian was looking for her. Why couldn't he just leave her alone? What if she wanted to be away from him? And another thing. Why did Jared always have to interrupt at the wrong time?! I was so annoyed at him for that. He had no right to just come into my room like that. Had I given him permission? No. I glanced at Wanda. Her face was just bright red. My fists clenched by my side. He had just made her embarrassed! I wanted to punch him so badly. More importantly, I wanted to feel her soft lips against mine. I wanted to hold her tiny body against my hard one. I wanted to feel her around me. I turned away from her reluctantly; I didn't want to lose control right in front of Jared.

"Okay, umm, just give us a minute Jared," she said breathlessly. I internally patted myself on the back. My kissing had made her breathless.

Jared raised his eyes at us. I realized how we must look; my face was flushed, her lips were plump and kiss bruised, both of our hair was all messed up and the hard bump bulging through my jeans was probably the most noticeable out of everything. I realized then that my belt had been unbuckled and my jeans zipped down. I stared at it in surprise. When had she done that? Yeah, he should probably not leave us alone.

"Please?" Wanda asked, pleadingly. I took a deep breath.

He narrowed his eyes, "5 minutes," he stated and then left.

I sat up on my knees. Wanda instantly came to my side, putting her arms around my neck. I wrapped my arms around her.

"How's this gonna work then?" she asked, fiddling with the hairs at the back of my neck. I shrugged trying to hide the fact I was getting harder and that I was shivering.

"I don't think we should tell people just yet," she said slowly, "And I don't know what to do about Ian," she added sadly.

Two things clicked in my mind just then. I was surprised it was still even working. But she just suggested that this might work out. That we could be together. And, that she wasn't happy, that I was making her upset.

"Hey," I said softly, looking deeply into her eyes, "You don't need to feel obliged to do anything. I mean, I kissed you. If you want, we can forget about this whole thing. You can stay with Ian and we can pretend this never happened."

I could never forget this though but she could. I wouldn't make her unhappy. She shook her head slowly.

"Jamie, how do you honestly feel about me?" she asked, quietly.

"Would that really make it easier to deal with?" I responded, equally as low.

"I don't know! I …I just have to know," she said, "Just please Jamie, tell me," she whispered putting her hands on my face. I couldn't say no to this direct request especially while I was feeling so light headed.

I took a deep breath, "I…I love you. There. I said it. I love you. And I can't help it. I'm in love with you." I looked down.

"Jamie," she sighed. She sounded sad. I pulled her into a hug.

"Don't worry about any of it though. Just…just forget it all happened. I… I'll just get over it," I lied, blinking away tears. She pulled away sharply.

"Jamie you can't lie to me," she said, "I just need time to think okay?" I nodded mesmerized by those eyes.

She was about to stand up but then she sat back down and pressed her lips to mine softly. My eyes drifted close, I felt in utter peace. It was nothing crazy, just a gently kiss. I tried to put all that I felt into that kiss. Her hand trailed down my face, across my neck and chest, leaving a trail of fire following her hand, to rub over the hard lump. The only thing restricting her from actually being in contact with my skin was a thin piece of cloth. I slid my hand under her hair…and then she was gone, leaving me hanging.

My eyes opened just in time to see her running out of the room. I touched my lips softly, trying to replicate the feeling she had made. I could still taste her. I shut my eyes and fell backwards, ignoring the pain in my head when it hit the concrete. At least I finally told her that I loved her. I didn't know whether that was a good thing or bad thing though.

"So…." Jared started. I opened my eyes to see him standing over me, grinning.

"Okay okay, so maybe I kinda liked it. But fact still remains that I am hurting her so badly," I countered, annoyed at his smugness.

He continued to grin at me.

"Go away," I said, annoyance colouring my voice. I was so just not in the mood for this. Jared laughed.

"I'm serious, Jared. Leave. Now," I growled. If I punched him right now, would it really matter?

"Dude I'm only trying to look after you," he said.

"Well maybe I don't want looking after," I replied fiercely.

"Okay. Calm down. Don't get your knickers in a twist. I'm leaving," he joked, putting his hands up in surrender. I took a step towards him.

"Goodnight then," he said, stepping anxiously out of the door. I stood up and slammed the door behind him. I collapsed on my mattress, waiting for all this anger to wear out. Suddenly, my stomach started growling.

"Oh shut up," I told it but it didn't listen. I hadn't eaten all day. I got up, resignedly and slipped my guitar over my head, heading towards the kitchen while strumming gently. It was pretty late so everyone was asleep.

Was it natural how soft her lips were though? She was just too perfect. Would she double time me and Ian though? I couldn't imagine her doing that. But even then I wouldn't care. I would do anything to have her. I loved her that much. I remembered how her hand slid down my body and stroked my length. I walked into the kitchen in a dreamlike horny state. I froze when I saw her there.

"W…Wanda," I stuttered. She turned round, a minx like smile on her face. She walked up to me slowly but sexily. My face melted into a smile. She pulled my face down to hers….and then just disappeared. I gasped and spun round looking for her. Did I just imagine that? Man, I'm in deep shit. I really am going crazy.

I grabbed some bread out of the oven, and hopped up on the bench, chewing nervously. Time for a pep talk.

"Right," I said out loud. The echoes came back to me and I shivered, "I am not going crazy. I'm just in love. And this happens to people in love right?" The echoes answered me back. There was a ghostly _Right_ agreeing with me, "Cool. So. I'm not gonna put her under torture any more. I'm just gonna try avoid her and nothings gonna happen any more. This has to stop," I said, gesturing down at my jeans, "I can't love her so I won't." This still failed to convince me. I sighed and finished my bread. I folded my legs under me and started strumming. Words began forming in my head so I started singing softly.

"I saw you tonight. Something happened for the first time. Deep inside it was a rush, what a rush," I remembered how she gently touched her lips against mine, how I felt so confused and hopeful.

"Cause the possibility. That you would ever feel the same way. About me, just too much, just too much" I swallowed loudly, remembering those eyes that had captured my heart.

"Why do I keep running from the truth? All I ever think about is you. You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized. And I just got to know  
Do you ever think when you're all alone  
All that we can be, where this thing can go?  
Am I crazy or falling in love?  
Is it real or just another crush?" I did tell her I'd get over it. Not happening though.

"Do you catch a breath when I look at you?  
Are you holding back like the way I do?  
Cause I've tried and tried to walk away  
But I know this crush ain't going away-ay-ay  
Going away-ay-ay"

"Has it ever crossed your mind when we're hanging, spending time girl? Are we just friends? Is there more? I hope there's more"

"See it's a chance we've gotta take  
Cause I believe that we can make this into  
something that will last, last forever, forever!" Ian might dump her, one could only hope. Ah, but that might hurt her, I thought. If he ever hurts her I will kill him. Then I launched into the chorus again.

"Do you ever think when you're all alone  
All that we could be, where this thing could go?  
Am I crazy or falling in love?  
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?  
Are you holding back like the way I do?  
Cause I've tried and tried to walk away  
but I know this crush ain't going away-ay-ay  
Going away-ay-ay

why do I keep running from the truth?  
All I ever think about is you  
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized  
And I just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone  
All that we could be, where this thing could go?  
Am I crazy or falling in love?  
Is it really just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?  
Are you holding back like the way I do?  
Cause I've tried and tried to walk away  
But I know this crush ain't going away-ay-ay  
This crush ain't going away-ay-ay

Going away  
Going away-ay-ay  
Going away-ay-ay" I trailed off.

I have got to get my head straight otherwise one day I am actually gonna kill myself. I slipped off the counter and headed back to my room. I threw myself on my mattress frustrated. I stared up at the stars. I hated how my life kept getting confused and thrown around. I especially hated Ian. That was completely random but I hated how he could put his hands on her whenever he wanted. That he got to _sleep _with her. Fury pounded through my veins and blood pounded through my ears. That was how I didn't hear the door open quietly and click shut. I suddenly felt a small body pressing against me and I had all this anger in me that I stupidly thought it was Ian. I rolled over quickly, slamming the body onto the mattress underneath me. I almost hit it.

"Jamie," Wanda whimpered. I stared at my fist in horror and rolled off immediately.

"Omg Wanda I'm so sorry. Did I hurt you?" I pulled her to me in a hug, gently caressing her face.

"Yeah I'm fine Jamie. What's wrong?" she asked nervously edging away from me.

"Nothings wrong. You aren't….you aren't scared of me are you?" I asked. I had just ruined everything.

"No," she said hesitantly, moving herself closer to me slightly. I could hear the lie in her voice.

"Oh no. You're scared of me. Wanda, I would never hurt you! I thought you were someone else. Oh please don't be scared of me. Argh I'm such an idiot!" I yelled at myself, slamming my hand into my forehead and scooting across the mattress away from her.

"Jamie…shh," she whispered, moving right next to me, "You didn't hurt me at all. I'm not scared of you."

I snuck a glance at her and she leaned in and kissed me softly. I pressed my lips firmer against hers, gently leaning her back until she was sandwiched between me and the mattress. I broke off after a few minutes, understanding what she was allowing, what she wanted me to do. I looked into her eyes and saw a faint glimmer of love but mainly lust.

"I love you," I whispered against her lips.

"I…" She hesitated, unsure whether she did love me or not, unwilling to lie. I touched my lips against hers for a second.

"Don't say anything, I just want to be with you," I murmured. She nodded, breathlessly. I slipped my hand under her hair and kissed her again, more forcefully this time. I wrapped my other arm around her waist and pulled myself even closer to her. I was so hard; I thought my jeans were going to burst open from the pressure. I picked her up off the bed and pressed her against the wall. Her legs wrapped around my waist tightly and she was pulling at my hair as her lust increased. Somehow the pain in my roots made me want her more. I took this opportunity to slip my tongue into her partially opened mouth. She released her grip on my hair to unbutton my shirt, I shrugged it off carelessly. She ran her fingers across my chest, making me shiver, goosebumps poking out of my skin. She had already dominated my tongue, while I was distracted by her fingers.

I pulled off her tank top aggressively, thrusting up at her centre. She moaned, her eyes slipping closed and grasped my shoulders. My name escaped her lips so many times. I grinned, happy that it was me making her feel in bliss. I took off her shorts and underwear. I could hardly contain myself any longer. Her bare wetness was pressed against my stomach, throbbing. She trailed her fingers down, across my stomach and slipped her hand under the waistband of my boxers. For real this time. I was sure I would have woken up by now. Her slim hand cupped my length and I almost exploded right then. A low groan escaped my throat as she began to stroke my hard cock. I flipped her round throwing her onto the mattress and going down with her. I quickly pulled off my jeans and underwear and positioned myself at her entrance. Was this really what she wanted? I kissed my way up her stomach until I was looking into her eyes, questioning look on my face.

"Yes, Jamie, yes. I want this. I need this. Please Jamie," she whispered, unable to control how she was feeling. I was almost smug. I slowly pushed into her. I was guessing this was the way to go. I mean, I'd never had sex before. I wouldn't know. Truth be told I'd never kissed anyone before Wanda. And here I was, having sex on the day of my first kiss. I didn't stop looking into her eyes as I got further into her. Then I saw her face screwing up. I stopped immediately. Huh?! Wasn't this supposed to be enjoyable? I'm confused. This is hurting her. What. The. Hell?!

"Wanda, honey? Wanda? Wanda, what's wrong?" I asked, nervously. Was I doing something wrong? How many other ways are there to have sex? Plus I was enjoying it. I couldn't help but think how amazing she felt around me, tight, warm, soft, and wet. I restrained a shudder, afraid any movement would hurt her. She shook her head.

"Keep going," she sighed. I got even more confused. I slipped in further, watching how her face winced. I kissed her forehead gently. After a few seconds I reached some resistance. She whimpered. I tried pressing through but it wouldn't work.

"Jamie, just slip in fully now. Really quick. Kay?" she said through gritted teeth. I nodded slowly. I took a deep breath and pushed in fully, in a swift movement. She restrained a scream. I pulled her up into my arms, ignoring how I was still penetrating her and that any second I could release into her. I only cared about her.

"Wanda, I'm so sorry Wanda. Are you okay?" I asked nervously. A fog had appeared in my mind, making it harder to think rationally. She felt so good.

"Wait for a second. Please." She whispered, in pain, she lent back down against the bed. I nodded, internally screaming at myself for hurting her. I took this minute to devour her perfect body. Her skin was pale against the moonlight. My eyes traced downwards hungrily, across the smooth round mounds, across her flat stomach and to where I was still penetrating her. I looked back at her face. Her eyes were scrunched tightly together, a small tear forming in the corner of her eyes. I kissed the tear and her eyes opened, filled with pain.

"Wanda, I can pull out right now if it's too painful. We can stop now if you want," I offered, ignoring the stabbing disappointment. I could still feel her folds pounding against me. I tried ignoring it. She shook her head.

"Just go slowly," she whispered. I pulled out very slowly and then pushed back in again. I did this a few times watching her face closely so I realized when she stopped feeling pain. Her face softened and her eyes turned misty and dream like. Her head lolled backwards.

"Oh god. Jamie. Oh my god. Jamie faster. Deeper Jamie. I need you Jamie. Right now," she moaned sensuously. I complied. I sped up, groaning as my lust was becoming satisfied. I felt it when she was nearing her climax. Her back arched gracefully, my name escaped her lips in a gasp, her walls tightened around me and there was suddenly a warm liquid coating my cock.

She reached behind my neck and as soon as she touched the skin there, I let out a foreign sound that was a mix between a growl and a groan. I saw stars as I released into her, completely blinking out of the universe. There was only me and her. I let out my last frantic thrusts and then collapsed on top of her. Completely spent and tired. She wiggled me out of her. I feel my arousal reawakening except I couldn't move. She was about to stand up and leave so I could sleep. I used every inch of my remaining energy to grab her waist and pull her back to me.

"Jamie, you need sleep," she murmured. I shook my head and wrapped my arms around her securely.

She rolled over so her head was on my chest and kissed it softly. That was the only thing I felt before slipping into a coma like sleep, happier than I'd been in a long time.

* * *

**;) hope you liked that then. i was actually playing the guitar to my boyfriend and then this started being visualized in my head and i just went sooo red. embarassed? hell yeah. confused boyfriend? yep. and to top it all off, his mom came and asked if we wanted any toast...whats toast? bread right? did not help at all. i like how she trusts us to be in his bedroom together though. its not like we're gonna do anything. probably not. maybe. LOL. anywayy...Starlight is in love with david as well now. well more with davids horse, called Shadow. They're like complete opposites but y'know what they say. opposites attract. :P**

**question: what was your first kiss like?**

**answer: amazing. half awkward but thats part of what made it amazing. cute. adorable. just awesome. **

**Peace out x**


	6. Chapter 6

**so i'm sooooooo sorry i havent updated in ages. have mercy. my computer actually died. it reverted to factory settings, no operating systems. so i was gonna post it the next day after working on it till THREE in the morning except next day, wake up, turn computer on and its dead. so i was really upset. i've tried to get this as good. but i dont think its anywhere near. i hope you enjoy anyway. sorry again. enjoy x**

* * *

I woke up, my arms were wrapped tightly around a small petite body. I was torn. I didn't want to open my eyes in case this was a dream because it was just too perfect to be real but I wanted to see her again. I squeezed my eyes shut tight then opened them. I almost gasped. Her golden hair cascaded over her perfect face, her eyes were shut but the eyelids were closed so gently it seemed like they would tear if they were even touched. I traced my eyes down her body, pale with a gentle tan, smooth. Every touch came back to be then, I almost recoiled as the memories and emotions hit me with such force. Every stroke, every kiss, every moan, every time she uttered my name. I felt myself getting hard again. I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that it actually happened. Did I want to have sex with her? Yes. So soon? I'm not sure. And...what about that pain she had felt? What the hell was that about? I sighed, knowing I couldn't stay with her like this forever. As much as it pained me to say his name, Ian would be looking for her and he shouldn't find her with me like this.

"Wanda?" I murmured, softly kissing her eyelids.

"Mmm?" At least I got some response out of her.

"Wake up Wanda. It's late. Someone might come looking for you," I whispered, trying to numb the anger I felt at that. This perfect moment shouldn't be ruined. Her eyes opened and she smiled at me dreamily. I kissed her forehead.

Her eyes snapped open and she sat up quickly.

"Wanda? Whats wr...?" I started.

"What time is it?!" she asked quickly.

"I don't know. Why? What's wrong?" I said, moving over to her.

"Nothing, I should...I should go," she whispered, sliding away from me. I frowned and watched as she grabbed her clothes and frantically put them on.

"Wanda?" I asked, in my most confused voice.

She paused from slipping her shirt on and looked at me, sighing, "Jamie. You have to understand. If someone finds me here. Like this. Well....let's just say, it's not the best way for people to find out about us," she explained.

"Us?" I asked, even more confused.

"Yes us Jamie. I do not want this to end," she said quietly. I went to stand next to her, taking her face in my hands and tilting it up softly so she would look at me.

"I love you," I whispered, kissing her softly. She twined her fingers in my hair, leaning her soft body into my hard one. The kiss was gentle, passionate and it proved how much I loved her, how I didn't just lust over her like Ian probably did. This love was true. It was real. If only she knew that for sure. She tried to pull away but I held her face securely to mine.

"Jamie..." she started to say, murmuring against my lips. I shook my head and hugged her to me, not breaking the kiss.

"Jamie, I have to go," she said, rationally. I kissed her eagerly, unwilling to let her go. She pulled out of my arms and stood there trying to slow her breathing. I stared at her hungrily and a light blush crept up her neck into her cheeks.

"I have to go," she repeated but I think that was mainly for herself, trying to convince herself to leave. I stepped forward and she narrowed her eyes at me. I almost laughed.

"I won't get carried away," I promised. I walked up to her and kissed her forehead again, breathing in her scent, and hugged her to me.

"See you later?" I asked hopefully.

She nodded against my chest. I loved the way her hair felt so soft against it. I kissed the top of her head again and let her go. Wow, I thought, I must have really good self control! Haha. I wish.

She gave me one longing look, her eyes travelling all across my body. I realized then that I still hadn't put any clothes on. I smiled at her. And then she left. And I let her go. Dammit! Why did I let her go? Why didn't I just keep her with me?! Who cares what people think?! I love her! I sighed. She was already gone, nothing I could do now. I fell back on my mattress. Love really does drive people mad.

No point crying over it though, I thought. I sat up. The quicker I got ready, the quicker I could see Wanda again. I hurried to get dressed at that thought, internally kicking myself for becoming so vulnerable and weak. It had already happened, so I couldn't stop these feelings, I'd had sex with her for god's sake! I wasn't getting out of this ever.

I practically ran all the way to the kitchen. I guess I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I didn't realize there was anybody in front of me until I slammed into them. Jared literally fell over. I'm not even kidding. He fell over flat on his back. For some reason, him lying there was hilarious to me. I would have burst out laughing but my feelings towards him were mixed at the minute and I couldn't decide whether I was angry at him or not. Then I realized I had something to ask him so I had to be nice to him. I groaned internally then held out my hand. He took it warily, expecting me to drop him but I pulled him to his feet before letting go. He watched me as I struggled to find words on how to ask him why Wanda had felt pain. I didn't want to admit to him that I'd had sex yet he was the only person I could talk to about that. I definitely did not want to talk to Mel about it so who else could I trust? He sighed then began to walk away. I stuck my arm out blocking his path.

"Jamie, I have things to do," Jared said, exasperatedly.

"I know, I just..." I muttered.

Jared sighed again then walked round my arm. My mind flailed round looking for something to stop him with and before I could talk myself out of it, I blurted out, "I had sex with Wanda!"

Jared froze and slowly turned round to look at me. I looked down, embarrassed. Out of all the ways to tell him, why did I just do it like that?!

"Jamie, tell me you're kidding." He didn't sound mad, he sounded tired. I looked up, confused.

"I'm not. She came to me last night, and I....well we kinda...umm...y'know..." I trailed off, not wanting to say that again.

"Jamie. You do realize how stupid that was don't you?! Jamie! You're only a kid! What if she got pregnant?!" he yelled. Ah. Here was the anger. I sidestepped that minefield.

"I'm not a kid," I muttered, avoiding the topic of pregnancy.

"Jamie! Either way, it's still bad! What if Ian found out?! Jamie, he loves her! He would kill you!" Jared shouted, making me cringe with every word he said. I shuddered.

"Jared, I didn't tell you this so you could yell at me and would you please keep your voice down?!" I whispered desperately, glancing round nervously.

Jared leaned against a wall, slamming his head back and closing his eyes. "So why did you tell me? What? You want sex advice or something? Coz if you do, you've got another thing coming!" he murmured, trying (and failing) to keep the anger out of his voice.

"No...I wanted to know something else...I..." I hesitated, unsure of how to say this. I looked down, face flushing with embarrassment, "Last night, when I ...when I y'know..." I trailed off, looking at him meaningfully. He nodded. I sighed in relief, glad I didn't have to...go into details and continued, "She was...well I dunno...but it seemed like she was in pain," I whispered. Jared's eyes snapped open.

"You took her virginity?!" he exclaimed in a whisper.

"I...what?" I asked, more confused than ever.

"Dude...she had never...never had sex before in her life. Ever. You were her first. When a girl has never had sex before, they have like this barrier thing. You probably just broke through that. Dude, she felt more than pain," he explained.

My face drained of colour, "What exactly did she feel?"

"She felt like her insides were being ripped apart," Jared muttered dully.

"I...hurt her," I stated, weeping internally.

"Yeah but dude, she probably was in bliss after that. Don't worry," he reassured, pulling me into a hug. I shoved him away. There was one more thing I needed to know.

"So if we...er...if we did it again, would she feel pain?" I asked, then added hastily in a lie, "Not that we're planning on doing that though!"

Jared narrowed his eyes at me, "Theoretically, no." I nodded thoughtfully, trying not to burst out into a grin.

"Okay, thanks," I said, casually.

"Jamie, I'm warning you, it would be a really bad idea to do anything like that again," he warned.

"I know. I hear you really. Just...I dunno. I guess I'll see what happens," I said this because I honestly did not know the extents Wanda could go to, to entice me.

"Jamie," Jared growled. I just relaxed and began walking away.

"Hey, where are you going?" he called. I ignored him, jogging towards the kitchen again.

I saw her as soon as I entered the kitchen. She was talking to Mel quietly, unaware of her surroundings. Ian was nowhere near them. I spotted him, leaning against a wall, watching her nervously. I almost wanted to go over to him and hit him but I knew she wouldn't like that. I settled with curling my hands into fists and imagining it. I focused back on Wanda. What was she talking about? Oh god, was she telling Mel about last night? I would just die if Mel found out. I walked up to them slowly, grabbing some bread on the way.

"Hey girls, what up?" I said, in my most casual voice. Wanda jumped at the sound of my voice but didn't look up, blushing furiously. I almost felt smug, but then I remembered her soft body against mine and my heart sped up. I quickly grabbed Mel's attention away from her. I wrapped my arms around her neck, hugging her. Mel hugged me back tightly and I could feel her longing. I knew she had missed me. I mean, Wanda had hugged me loads in Mel's body but it was different. It wasn't as direct. Okay, so I missed her as well, but over all the years, I've had to numb this loss because I couldn't do anything about it. I released her, reluctantly, still dying to know what they were talking about. Mel realized she hadn't actually answered my question.

"We're just talking about the next raid. I don't think we should use Wanda. I mean she's exhausted. So we want to borrow Burns but of course Wanda is stubborn and wants to help. Most of us think she needs a break though," Mel explained. I pretended to ponder this. I had the best idea.

"I agree," I said.

Wanda looked up at me, startled.

"I think Wanda should stay here and just the guys should go. Jared, Ian and Kyle and any of the others. They need to get out and spend some time together y'know," I continued.

"That would be a great idea," Mel said, interrupting the silence in which me and Wanda were staring at each other, "Except I don't really want to leave Jared and I doubt Wanda will want to leave Ian." She giggled slightly. I clenched my fists tighter.

"But Mel, Wanda needs a break, and Ian needs to get out," I said stubbornly, "And I don't really want you to leave me again so soon," I added, looking down. I knew I'd hit her weak spot because she gasped and pulled me into a hug.

"Okay Jamie," she whispered ruffling my hair, "Whatever you want." I grinned and winked at Wanda over Mel's shoulder. Her mouth dropped open. She quickly hid her shock when Mel turned back to her.

"It's sorted then. We're staying. The guys'll go," Mel stated, not leaving any room for argument. Wanda snuck a look at me. I grinned again and finished my roll, leaving her to watch me. I could almost see the hunger in her eyes.

"Jamie?" Mel said suddenly.

"Mmm?" I tried to say yes but my mouth was full.

"Are you okay with playing again tonight?" she asked, eagerly. I nodded.

"Can I ask you to play a particular song?" she requested. I nodded again, unable to speak.

"Remember the first song Dad ever taught you? Free falling?" she whispered. I swallowed.

"Sure Mel, I know how much that song means to you. I'll do my best, kay?" I muttered back. She nodded. The chords and lyrics were already running through my head. Mel hugged me again.

"Okay, so I'm gonna go find Jared. Want to spend some time with him before he goes tomorrow," she explained, waving at Wanda. She left. Leaving me and Wanda. Alone. We stared at each other. What did one say to one after they'd had sex?

"Wanda, we..." I began but was cut off by Ian who came squandering over.

"Hey," he said to her softly, kissing her. Right on the lips. Right in front of me. I stretched my fingers to stop them from curling into tighter fists. Fury burst through my veins. I had to get out of here. Before I did something.

"I'll see you around," I spat out, storming off. Wanda tried pulling away to look at me but Ian wouldn't stop kissing her. He didn't even acknowledge me. I wanted to hit him so badly. I walked quickly until I was in a deserted corridor and then I slowed down to a halt. I wanted to...ugh I don't even know. I wanted to cry. But I didn't want to be weak. I punched the wall quickly before I could rationally reassert my priorities. Blood sprung to my knuckles. I didn't have time to hide it when I heard a pattering of feet running towards me and felt something slam into my back. I knew who it was before I turned and saw her.

"Jamie. I'm so sorry; I didn't want him to touch me like that. I didn't like it. Jamie, I love you. I'm not even kidding. I really do love you. I realized that today. There I said it. I love you. I'm so sorry. He won't touch me like that again," she whispered quickly, hugging me tightly.

I tried to pry her off me but she was clinging to me too tightly. "Wanda..." I began but she pressed her lips against mine, reaching round to twine her fingers in my hair and just like that, I was under her spell. I trembled as she stroked the back of my neck. I think that must be my weakest spot ever. I kissed her back more forcefully and picked her up so she could wrap her legs around my waist. She slid her hands across my chest, tracing circles. I pressed her against the wall, drawing her closer to me. Then I made the mistake.

I brought my hand to her face and stroked her cheek gently. She must have felt the wetness or something because she stopped kissing me immediately. I looked at her confused then saw the blood on her cheek. I removed my hand immediately and let her legs fall to the floor. I tried to just shove it in my pocket so she wouldn't see it but she grabbed it and examined it, horrified.

"Jamie!" she exclaimed, "What happened?!"

"I have problems with my anger," I muttered, pulling away from her easily, "Sorry," I added.

"Oh Jamie," she whispered, taking my other hand, "Come with me," she said, pulling me along with her. I wanted to know where we were going, but I just couldn't concentrate from all the kissing. Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital.

"No." I stated, pulling away from her and moving away. She caught me and called Doc before I could leave. He took one look at us and gasped. I wondered what he was gasping about, since my hand was still in my pocket. Was my belt unbuckled again? I looked down. Nope. Still done up. I glanced at Wanda and saw her cheek was covered in blood. Oh. Doc picked her up and placed her on the bed examining her. She was equally confused.

"Doc...it's not me," she tried to say.

"What happened? Who hurt you? Was it Kyle?" He was asking frantically, "Get Ian, Jamie," he shot at me. I didn't move.

"Doc! Jamie's bleeding!" she yelled. I didn't even know she was capable of reaching that loudness. Doc stopped and stared. He looked between me, and her, and then me again. He wiped off the blood from her face, confused. He looked at me again.

"You don't look like you're bleeding," he said, baffled. I sighed then pulled out my hand. I guess I didn't realize how bad it was. I didn't really feel any pain. I'd kinda numbed that. Well Wanda had numbed that. Doc gasped again and hurried over to me.

"Does it hurt? Is it broken? What happened?" Doc asked quickly. It must have been bad because Wanda winced slightly at my hand when she got a better view of it.

I sighed, "No Doc, it doesn't hurt. I don't think it's broken and i...." I trailed off, I didn't want to tell him what actually had happened.

"What happened?" He repeated.

"I..." I started.

"He got cut," Wanda said quickly.

Doc froze. "Cut?" he said sarcastically. Dammit, I really needed to teach Wanda to lie better. Cut? Seriously? My hand was literally mushed up. How could I have possibly been cut?

"Um yeah?" Wanda said, unsure of what to say next. I helped her out.

"I slipped with a knife again and coz cut and then...then my hand got squished under me," I lied. It was an impossible story but it was the best I could come up with. Doc looked suspicious but treated me almost immediately. Wanda relaxed at the same time I did, relieved the interrogation was over.

"How did it get on Wanda's face?" Doc asked quietly and casually.

I stiffened in Doc's hand, "Um...i...er..." I stuttered.

"There was a fly on my face and I got freaked out by it so on the way here, Jamie brushed it away," Wanda said quickly. Huh. Maybe she wasn't so bad at lying.

Doc narrowed his eyes, still looking suspicious, "Okay, Jamie, you're all done here. Be more careful." Wanda jumped off the bed almost too quickly and nearly fell but I leapt forward and caught her. Her cheeks reddened and Doc looked even more uneasy.

"Thanks Doc, bye," I said quickly, pulling Wanda out of the room before he could say anything.

I kept pulling Wanda along until we reached my corridor. I halted and released Wanda quickly, looking away.

"Jamie," she whispered. I just flexed my hand.

"Jamie, why did you do that?" she asked quietly. Was she that stupid? Could she not see? I looked straight in her eyes.

"Wanda, you don't understand. When he was kissing you like that, it caused me physical pain. I felt like my heart was actually being torn. I couldn't stand that. Its...its just so hard. I don't think you know the extent of what I'm feeling at the minute," I murmured. I slipped my hands under her hair and pushed her against the wall kissing her roughly, trying to put as much passion in it as possible before pulling away, "I can't stand this Wanda. I love you. And I don't think you know what that means. How much it means," I left her pressed against the wall. I didn't mean for it to come out so mean. But she...the fact that she was so ignorant of my love, of my pain, just hurt me even more. I almost wanted to hurt her but I loved her too much to do that. I had so much anger built up inside me. I moved away to stand opposite her, scared that this anger would overpower me. I held up my hand when she moved towards me, breathing heavily. She looked confused, like she didn't understand my change in mood. For some reason, I didn't like her being confused. I felt bad. Guilty. Making sure I was under control, I walked forwards slowly and wrapped my arms around her gently.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lose control like that. It won't happen again. Nothing's your fault. You're perfect," I whispered in her ear. She unfroze and hugged me back.

"Love you," she murmured. I kissed her hair softly then pulled away.

"I have to go," I said, before I could get caught in her trap.

"Where?" She asked.

"I have to practice free falling and whatever else I'm playing tonight," I explained walking quickly down my corridor. She followed me.

I looked at her, slowing down, "Wanda, I really need to practice."

"I know, I wanna listen," she said eagerly. I frowned at her.

"Okay but no distractions," I said, sternly. She giggled and that just had to put a smile on my face.

When we got to my room, I demanded that she sit on my bed and not move, otherwise I'd be tempted to do something. That made her let out another giggle. I picked up my guitar and started strumming, making sure I could still play. Those chords morphed into the chords of the song and I started singing the chorus softly coz that was the only part I could remember. I almost forgot Wanda was there. When I play my guitar, I don't pay attention to my surroundings. It's like I go into my own little world and not even my love for Wanda was strong enough to pull her into that world. All the words came to me then in a rush so I sang it.

"She's a good girl, loves her mama  
Loves Jesus and America too  
She's a good girl, crazy 'bout Elvis  
Loves horses and her boyfriend too"

I paused trying to remember the rest and then it came flooding back to me and I laughed before carrying on, looking at Wanda. She seemed mesmerized. I carried on:

"It's a long day livin' in Reseda  
There's a freeway runnin' through the yard  
And I'm a bad boy, 'cause I don't even miss her  
I'm a bad boy for breakin' her heart"

Wanda laughed when I sang the bridge. Oh she had no idea how bad I could be. I winked at her then went into the chorus.

"And I'm free, I'm free fallin'

And I'm free, I'm free fallin' fallin'"

Wanda gasped when I hit the falsetto perfectly. I smiled and carried on playing.

"All the vampires walkin through the valley  
Move west down ventura boulevard  
And all the bad boys are standing in the shadows  
A ll the good girls are home with broken hearts

And Im free, free fallin  
Yeah Im free, free fallin  
Free fallin, now Im free fallin, now im  
Free fallin, now Im free fallin, now im

I wanna glide down over mulholland  
I wanna write her name in the sky  
Gonna free fall out into nothin  
Gonna leave this world for a while

And Im free, free fallin  
Yeah Im free, free fallin"

As soon as I stopped playing, Wanda climbed up my body and kissed me furiously, sliding her hands under my shirt. I was so startled that I fell backwards onto the floor, but even then she didn't stop kissing me.

"Wanda," I tried to say round her lips but she just kissed me harder. I did need to practice other songs. I needed to stop this before I lost myself. I...oh what the hell? I kissed her back, rolling over so she was pressed on the floor, wrapping my arms around her tightly. Then air became essential so I had to break away, breathing heavily. I hate oxygen. Ruins everything.

Her eyes were half open so I could see a bit of the shimmering. It felt like those were the only things grounding me to the earth. Like she was my connection to humanity. When Mel disappeared, I cut off all my ties to humans around me. I didn't like feeling vulnerable. When Wanda came along, I became vulnerable and weak again. But it was different with Wanda; she held my vulnerability, my weakness. She could use it against me if she wanted and I knew I wouldn't even care. I loved her too much. Unreal. That's what it was. Unreal. As in impossible. This love was impossible. Like a paradox. Two things existing that shouldn't be able to but they do. I wasn't even making sense to myself any more at this point. I cut off my mental blabbering and picked myself up off Wanda. She whimpered, as if she was disappointed. I was disappointed too to be honest.

"Not now," I muttered, amazed at my own self control. She bit her lip, not making it any easier for me to resist. I sighed and went to lie down next to her, pulling her into my arms and hugging her. She put her head on my chest and tilted her head upwards to look at me. It was elaborate or anything like sex. It was just me holding her. I kissed her softly on her lips, savouring the softness of them. She shivered. I was quite hard before then but this just made me harder. And she felt the erection. She laughed and tried to pull away so she could unbutton my pants but I just held her tighter.

"No," I stated. Then an idea hit me. I had been quite mean to her before. This was my chance to make it up to her. I let her slip out of my arms but I didn't let her touch my pants. Instead, I picked her up and put her on the mattress. Then I dropped to my knees in front of her. She tried to sit up but I pushed her back.

"Stay," I commanded, pulling her shorts down. Her breath halted in a gasp. I was going to make her so happy. I traced my fingers up and down those perfect legs, breathing heavily, remembering when I wanted to touch them so badly and Jared stopped me. This time there was nobody to stop me. I slid my hand up creating goosebumps across her legs and hooked my fingers round her underwear, promptly pulling them down. This time, our gasps were synchronized. I would never ever fail to be amazed by her beauty. She was so warm and wet. I almost lost myself right then. I shook my head and rubbed my nose against her slit. She moaned, wriggling underneath me. I wasn't even near done with her yet. I kissed her clit gently then flicked my tongue out at it, letting it dip slightly into her centre. I could feel her trembling, throbbing, twisting but I held her down.

"Jaaamiee," she breathed, completely in bliss. This erotic sound completely won me over. I slipped a finger into her centre, causing her to moan loudly. I enjoyed listening to her in bliss, feeling her trembling in pleasure. I was happy it was me making her feel like this. I began to pump in and out of her with my finger, continuously licking and sucking on her clit. She tasted amazing, smelt amazing. I was in heaven. I added another finger, moving them faster, making her shriek. I knew when she was about to climax; she tightened around my fingers and stopped moving for a second. I didn't stop, even while she was having the orgasm, I continued to pound in and out of her, adding my other two fingers. My name escaped her lips in moans, groans, shrieks. I really was in fucking heaven. I was making her feel this happy. That made me happy. I trapped her clit between my lips and pulled it gently, making her shudder violently. I didn't want to stop. I just kept licking up every time she juiced into my mouth just like a puppy. Her hands gripped the corners of my mattress tightly. Suddenly, she screamed my name out. I froze. She was still trembling. Had anyone heard that? I doubt Wanda was thinking about that. I had made her feel in complete bliss. I hope. Well it seemed like that. She was breathing heavily, almost as if she was struggling to draw in air. I chuckled breathily, sending shivers throughout her body. I kissed her a final time on the clit, causing her to moan loudly. This knotted my stomach, I had butterflies, and I so badly wanted to have sex with her right then. I couldn't though. There wasn't enough time. I pulled her up into my arms, hugging her tightly. She was almost crying in joy, tears forming in the corners of her eyes. She was still trembling madly. That was the best experience I had ever had in my entire life. I was so hard. I didn't care what part of me was in her, just as long as some part of me was in her. I waited till she stopped shaking then kissed her forehead softly.

"Love you always," I whispered. She was still too speechless to reply but I knew what she was feeling. I had just made her the happiest person on earth.

* * *

**so i know its kinda crap but i tried! dya like it? hate it? im not that happy with it. but i still tried. and i didnt have much time to write it. friends fighting, hard core making out with david, competition coming up, exams, coursework, etc, but yeah. i know im making excuses and deserve no mercy but im sorry! :( but i am going to see jonas brothers on sunday which i am so excited for and have you guys seen new moon yet? its amazing! the direction is good. i got kinda depressed when edward left bella but i had david to keep me occupied at the time ;) however he was really jealous when i gasped when jacob took his shirt off. i know its not a good thing, jealousy i mean, but omg that look was so cute on him. i get that we've only been going out a few weeks and he shouldnt be soo protective but he is and i wouldnt have it any other way. im crazy about him, literally, falling in love with him. he already says hes in love with me. and he actually punched a guy for saying they kinda like me. awkward i know. my friends are telling me to break up with him, that this protectiveness wasnt healthy. but i kinda like it. btw is there any such thing as being too nice? coz i dont think i am but everyone says i am, including david. i mean, is it so bad to hold the door open for everyone to walk through before i walk through? i mean i know theres alot of people but still. its polite. david's kinda annoyed at that coz he has to hold my books for longer except i never asked him to hold my books, he just carries them for me without my permission. so its not really my fault. its his. lol and adding to that, my best friend in the whole world decides that he likes me. except this best friend i.e. ryan, is good friends with boyfriend i.e. david. and i dont know what to do. its awkward now. coz i know im hurting him but i cant help it. hes my best friend. i dont want things to change between us. and guys i really need your help, should i tell david? coz if i tell him, ryan gets hurt. if i dont tell him, he will find out eventually, and ryan will get hurt and david wont trust me any more. so i dont know what to do. please help me. i mean its not like im doing anything with ryan. but now i know, i can see that ryans liked me for a long time. like the other day we both reached for something at the same time and he left his hand on top of mine for ages. awkward. i dont know what to do. help please? **

**anyway, hope you enjoyed that. the question is, what to do about that all ^? i dont have an answer. :( **

**Peace out x**


	7. Chapter 7

**So i know its like literally nothing but my word expired so ive literally had to write it up on fanfiction edit thing and i didnt have enough time but i wanted to get something up so you wouldnt complain and lose faith in me but as soon as i get word i'll keep writing. Enjoy x**

* * *

Almost as soon as Wanda managed to stop shaking enough to put her shorts back on, there was a knock at my door. I glanced at her quickly, and then grabbed my guitar, improvising a story in my head. Dammit, she was still twitching! How was I ever gonna explain that?!

"Stop twitching," I muttered under my breath, "Come in!" I said, louder, putting my hands in positions to play chords.

"Hey Jamie, whatcha up to?" Mel said, walking in, attached to Jared as usual.

"Wanda? What are you doing here?" Mel asked, surprised to see her there. Of course, she was expected to be with Ian since he was going on a raid tomorrow. I had a mental block and a stuttering attack as the anger threatened to overwhelm me.

"Jamie's playing to me," she said quickly, still sounding slightly shaky and breathless.

Mel frowned at her, "Are you okay?" she asked. Wanda nodded once real quick. Great. Way to make Mel less suspicious. I thought Mel was smarter than that actually. Shouldn't she have noticed that my hair was all messed up? Guessed that Wanda had been pulling at my hair? I restrained a shiver; the pain was still there, the reality alive. I, subtly, ran my fingers through it, trying to avoid the piercing look Jared was giving me.

"What you playing Jamie?" Mel asked, suddenly. I looked up. Jared was shaking his head at me behind Mel. Argh, he made me so mad, I wanted to punch him. Grr.

"Free fallin'. I _needed _Wanda's help to choose which way to play the bridge," I emphasised the needed, looking directly at Jared. He shot me daggers.

"O...kay," Mel said, looking between Jared and me. There was a long silence while Jared and I had an unspoken argument. I could feel Wanda getting fidgety next to me and I had the urge to put my arm around her but I couldn't. Not with Mel there. Something must've changed because Mel cleared her throat uneasily. Then I realized I was standing. Oh. She must've freaked when I advanced. It wouldn't be the first time breaking Jared's nose.

"I'm sure you didn't need it that much Jamie," Jared said through gritted teeth.

"Yes. I did." I growled back, equally as ferociously. Neither girl got our innuendo. We continued to stare each other off. Wanda and Mel exchanged nervous glances. Jared caved before me. Relaxing his gaze, putting his arm around Mel casually, he said, "So lets hear it then."

I blinked, surprised.

"Well, can't we decide? Let's hear both ways," he teased me tauntingly. I so badly wanted to hit him. I'll get him back later. Right now I had to improvise. Mel was watching me expectedly and Wanda was still trying to hide the fact that she was twitching. I shot daggers at him then started playing. I tried it with a falsetto, making Wanda stifle a gasp again and then tried it in a monotone. I saw the corners of his mouth curling.

"No choice Jamie, falsetto all the way," Mel said, high-fiving me enthusiastically. I responded with no such enthusiasm. She gave me a weird look. I smiled, reassuringly at her, with difficulty. Then Wanda shuffled next to me and the smile became genuine. That girl makes me go insane but I wouldn't have it any other way.

"Anyway, Wanda you comin'?" Mel asked. My protective side immediately came in.

"Where?" I shot at her before Wanda could speak.

"Um...I need to talk to her? Why? Do you still need her?" Mel questioned, accusingly.

I shook my head slowly.

"Jamie, I need to talk to you," Jared said, staring at me.

"Me too," Wanda added.

"Me three," Mel inserted.

I stared at the three of them in shock.

"Well I guess we know who's popular," I muttered when I managed to speak.

"Wait, what do you need to talk to him about?" Mel asked, looking pointedly at Jared.

"Guy stuff, what do you need to talk to him about Wanda?" Jared shot out, gritting his teeth. Wanda blushed furiously.

I cut him off with a glare so powerfully icy that he was rendered speechless. No one and I mean no one can mess with my girl.

"Okay, you guys can talk and I'll take Wanda to the kitchen. Jamie, you have one hour," Mel reminded me.

"Til' what?" I asked, baffled.

"Till you're performing," she said.

I nodded then waved them out the door, brushing my hand across Wanda's back as she got up. Her blush increased but thankfully, nobody noticed. Then the door shut, leaving me and Jared alone.

"I have nothing to say to you," I muttered, picking my guitar back up and strumming.

"Well, I have a lot to say to you," Jared yelled, "What the hell did you do?!"

I ignored him.

"You don't _need_ that," he said, going back to the point I made earlier. This just made my anger overflow. I threw the guitar down on the bed and slammed him against the wall.

"Yes I do! She's the only thing that calms me. You have no idea how much I am messed up here and don't even try to tell me everything will be okay because it won't. It won't ever be okay. And you aren't anything to do with me. You aren't family so don't try to kid yourself that you are because you aren't and you will never be anything to me so just leave. Me. ALONE!" I yelled. I literally threw him out the door and slammed it behind him. I fell heavily against the bed and curled into a ball, letting my emotions pull me in all directions. Slowly, I managed to fall asleep. I hadn't actually slept that much to be honest and I was exhausted. The next thing I knew, a small hand was pressing against my cheek.

"Jamie. Jamie. Jamie, Wake up. Jamie," The voice was so soft, so angelic. I thought it was a dream. I didn't want to wake up.

"Jamie, you have to perform. Wake up," she whispered again. Her lips softly pressed against mine and my eyes flew open.

Her perfect face was inches away from me.

"Is this a dream?" I asked softly.

Wanda giggled and shook her head. I kissed her back hungrily.

"Not now Jamie. Everyone's waiting. You have to perform," she murmured, reluctantly pulling away. I swung her back to me and hugged her tightly. No way were we going anywhere until she gave me a proper kiss. I looked at her sternly. She sighed and reached her head up to reach my lips. I met her half way with so much force that she was knocked backwards. I rolled over till she was pressed against the mattress. Was it possible to love someone this much? To be bursting with happiness everytime our lips touched. Heat filled my core and I felt like i was going to explode. This time, not from anger but from love and happiness. I really needed to go to rehab or something. These changes in emotions were just not good.

"Can you perform now?" Wanda whispered breathlessly around my lips. I shook my head, brushing them against jerked her head away from me. I tried to press my lips against hers again but she kept wriggling.

"Tonight," she promised. I sighed then got up off her.

"You tempt me too much. It's not fair," I muttered, irritated. Wanda giggled, pulling me out the room.

* * *

**Yeah i know its crap and im sorry. but yeah. i did my best as usual. i swear, the next chapter will be longer. As an answer to .NewMoonFan., they want me to break up with him coz he's too protective and he punches people for just saying they like me. but i think thats utter crap really. coz its a good thing that he's protective. not that he punches people but yeah. **

**Anyway, i do think he kinda knows but he doesnt want to say anything coz he's too good friends with Ryan. argh i dunno. i might just like swear off guys. but then i'd be losing coz id have lost my best friend and my boyfriend. this is a conundrum. i really just need a holiday. **

**which i'm getting! i'm going to spain, just to totally relax. Except, guess who my mum invited to come with us because she doesnt know we're going out? David. yep. and. we're sharing a room. its gonna be kinda awkward. but at least i get to relax. She usually lets me and my brother invite someone each and Ryan hates it. He's the one who usually gets invited. He's the one who was always like another brother to me though and i think my mum thinks that he feels differently which is why i wasnt allowed to invite him this time. i dunno. its strange. on the plus side, i went to see jonas brothers and it was totally amazing!!!! i would advise you to go to see them next time they visit your country. Anyway, hope you enjoyed that chapter. **

**Peace out x**


	8. Chapter 8

**Enjoy x**

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Performing 'Free fallin' and the new songs that I wrote took the longest time ever. I'm sure people could notice something wrong. I was tapping my foot but it wasn't to the beat. I was just so edgy. (And horny but who needed to know that.) And it really wasn't helping that Wanda was staring at me, biting her lip sexily. I did have self control. Yes I was using up every inch of it to not pounce on her but still, self control. Probably more than she had anyway. She was clenching the counter tightly. I couldn't take it any more. I skipped out the last verse of the song I wrote in the kitchen, said thank you and then quickly walked over to her when the applauding had finished, which wasn't long. I couldn't decide whether that was a good thing or a bad thing.

"Did you have to play so many songs?" Wanda whispered, pulling some fresh bread out of the oven. I nodded, trying to slow my breathing down.

"You were great tonight though," she murmured, turning to look at me. Oh, how I wanted to pull her into my arms right now!

"Thanks," I whispered with as much nonchalance as possible. Wanda's eyes flickered down to my jeans then back up.

"Not so subtle Jamie," she giggled. I flushed, pulling my guitar in front of me. She pushed it away, reached up around my neck and hugged me. I could see what she was doing. This little gesture wouldn't come across as anything but a hug to people watching. But she knew my weak spot. I remained still, concentrating on not wrapping my arms around her and not kissing her. Her back was to everyone else. So nobody could see her kiss my throat gently and play with the hairs on the back of my neck. I could feel myself getting harder but I couldn't do anything about it. Her fingers rose shivers under my hair and I growled throatily so only she could hear. She giggled again then let me go. I quickly hid behind my guitar again, trying so hard not to twitch or take her right there.

"Was that really necessary?" I asked in a low voice. She grinned and hummed the songs that I just played.

"Jamie! That was awesome!!" Mel yelled running up to me. She was about to hug me but I held up my guitar.

"I'll just go put this in my room," I said quickly. Mel couldn't hug me like this. Wanda laughed as I practically ran out of the room, slowing down when I reached one of the further tunnels. I listened carefully. When I was sure I couldn't hear anyone, I sank to the floor. I willed my erection to go down. Grr….

Guess I'd just have to wait in my room til' tonight. I couldn't risk anyone seeing me like this. I threw myself on the bed. Wanda, her soo soft lips pressing against mine, her slender body fitting perfectly against mine, having her completely surrounding my cock, the way she says my name…ahhhh I want her so bad! Okay, think of something different. Soccer, baseball…nah there was no decent sport around nowadays. Cars! Aston Martin, Porsche, Ferrari…why'm I thinking of cars…I' never gonna own one for real! AHA! Guitar…that always calms me down. I grabbed it and began strumming out my frustration. The chords started to sound familiar. Then it clicked. I strummed out my frustration when I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me. This was before the souls came to earth. What were the lyrics? Something about not being over her...I couldn't remember. I vaguely wondered what had happened to her. I thought I loved her and then she made out with my best friend proving to me that I didn't love her. What was her name again? Ashley or something. I couldn't even remember what she looked like. Who cares though? I had Wanda now. Ah Wanda. My hands were playing chords of their own accord now so it wouldn't have taken long to conjure up some lyrics but I felt too frustrated to. I satisfied myself with just playing. What if Ashley was still in LA? What if I actually saw her again? Would that be better than thinking she was dead? Or not? If I saw her, would I still hurt inside? Or would my love for Wanda over power that? I did kinda want to see her again. Even though she had really hurt me. I had to know. One trip to LA. It wouldn't take long. Just a couple of days…or a week. What if I wanted to stay with her? What if the temptation drew me to have a soul put in me? What if that proved I didn't love Wanda? Could I deal with that? I had to see her. Or I had to at least think about it on the way to see her. I pushed myself up, starting to run. I burst into the kitchen, earning loads of staring. My eyes scanned for the right person…where is he?! Aha. Found him. He was talking to Wanda and Mel.

"Jared I need to speak to you," I whispered urgently, pushing hair away from my face. Wanda stared at me.

"In a minute," he said.

"No. Now," I demanded. He sighed and mouthed 'one second' to Mel.

"What Jamie? What now? First you want to talk to me and then you hate me. What do you want now?" Jared hissed at me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to him. If I didn't calm him down, I would never be able to go.

"Jamie, you're like a brother. I think you don't trust me or something and I understand it's difficult what you're going through but you don't need to be alone. I can help you," Jared explained. I swallowed back my anger. He didn't understand what I was going through.

"That's what I want you to do right now. I need your help. I need the raid postponed," I said, in a low voice.

"The raid postponed? I thought you wanted it to go on so you could spend time with Wanda without Ian being here," Jared said quickly and quietly. Dammit, he saw right through me!

"Can you postpone the raid?" I asked.

"Well yeah but why?" Jared answered, still confused.

"I need the keys. I need to go to LA," I murmured. Jared's eyes widened.

"Wh…" he started then shook his head, "Okay, I'll just pack a few things and we can go in the morning," he said, calmly.

"No Jared. I need to go now…and I need to go by myself," I let the bomb drop on him.

"What?! Are you kidding me?!" Jared exclaimed.

"Shhhh!" I whispered urgently. Mel had looked up to us.

"Jared please," I begged. She began to make her way over to us.

I could see he was making a quick decision and he was good at that. He glanced at me. Then nodded once. His eyes clouded over as the shield went up, he already knew he couldn't tell Mel. He would tell Mel when I had gone and by then it would be too late for her to do anything.

"Hey Mel," he said casually, slinging his arm around her.

"Are you okay?" she asked nervously. I nodded quickly. Obviously I wasn't. My face was flushed, I was breathing too heavily. This time it wasn't from being excited around Wanda. It was from anticipation of what I was about to do.

"Come on Jamie," Jared said, pulling away from Mel and walking away.

I stared after him then returned my eyes to Mel.

"I'll see you in a while," I promised, hugging Mel tightly. She hugged me back, confused. I was doing that a lot. Confusing people. Well I was just about to confuse another. I walked over to Mel and bent down to her ear, "I need to talk to you," I whispered. I pulled her out of the mess hall to where Jared was waiting.

"I have to go for a while, but I'll be back. I promise," I whispered to her. Jared, thankfully, pretended not to hear. Wanda glanced nervously at him but I pulled Wanda's face back to me.

"I love you," I stated, kissing her lightly, concentrating on not getting carried away. I pulled away.

"Where are you going?" Wanda asked, quietly.

"That's not important. Just know that I love you okay. I'll come back. I give you my word," I promised. I kissed her again then walked off. Jared followed me. I rubbed my eyes, tiredly.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

I shook my head, "I don't know if what I'm doing is right or not but I know that I won't be able to rest until I know this," I explained.

Jared nodded, "Okay. Can't you tell me why you're going?" he asked.

I shook my head again.

"How long are you gonna be?" Jared asked.

"A week at the most," I muttered, concentrating now, on not running back to Wanda.

"What if you don't come back?" Jared whispered.

"Don't come after me. I know what I'm doing. If I don't come back, it isn't because the souls have got me. It's a different reason. And if I don't come back. It means I never want to see Wanda again. It means I don't want to come back," I murmured.

Jared nodded once, "Okay, so dya want food? Or are you gonna get it on the way?" I almost hugged him for snapping back into Jared mode. He wasn't gonna pressure me for information any more. I almost wanted him to come with me. As soon as that thought formed, I dismissed it. He couldn't know. He wouldn't approve of me chasing after someone I didn't even know was alive or not.

I shook my head, "I'll get it on the way," I explained, "Oh and don't tell Mel I'm going specifically to LA. At any cost. She can't know. Ever." I whispered, "Tell her I ran away." We passed my tunnel.

"Wait," I whispered. I ran into my room and grabbed my guitar. I couldn't leave that. What if I was losing control of my emotions? No. I had to take my guitar.

"You're taking that?" he asked, disbelievingly.

I nodded.

"Okay," Jared muttered. We reached the entrance to the caves. My exit. My breath caught. Did I really want to do this? I stared out across the open desert. As if he could read my mind, he said, "Is this really necessary?"

"If I don't do this, I'll be tortured. I have to know this," I whispered. I raised my head a little bit and looked him in the eyes, "I don't want to wait, I'm just gonna take the jeep," I announced. Jared nodded then hung the car keys from his thumb out to me. I stared at them.

"Don't stop running until you reach the car. When you get there, turn right. It's concrete so you don't need to worry about the tarps," he explained. I reached up for the car keys but Jared pulled them away.

"Are you sure you've thought this through?" he asked.

"It's not an option for me Jared," I whispered. Jared sighed then dropped the cold keys into my hand.

"Be careful," he warned.

I nodded, biting down on my lip.

"C'mere," he whispered, pulling me into a one armed hug.

"Love you kiddo," he said, then released me. I was grateful for all he had done for me but I couldn't speak. I guess I was scared of this but I would never admit it. I took a deep breath then ran out. Away from the warmth, safety and love into the darkness, cold and unknown.

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**i usually hate introducing new characters. mainly coz its like an escape for people. people pretend to be in the story. but i just could resist. This would not be me though since my name is renee and i like my name and i wouldnt ever change it. so its just a random new character. you'll be the first ones to find out what happens coz i dont even know. i just write what i see in my mind and its not even here yet :P so yeah. i hope you enjoyed that. **

**i think i should be able to write more now, maybe. we have exams so on the one hand, thats gonna restrict me but then i dont really have a best friend to spend time with any more. i cant really do anything about it. David doesnt really want me to see him any more. Well, i cant since he's in hospital because David kinda hurt him. Bad. But dont go judging him...it was kinda coz maybe Ryan kinda kissed me. Seriously though, what boyfriend is gonna take that? i dont know what to do. Any suggestions? i feel sorry for Ryan. Its not really his fault. Well it is. He shouldnt have kissed me. but its not his fault that he likes me. is it? oh i dont know. anyway. hope you liked that chapter. i shall have another one up soon. x**

**Peace out x**


	9. Chapter 9

**STOP! before you read this, find john mayer-in your atmosphere, and listen to it as you read it. kinda fits real good. enjoy x**

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Cruising along the motorway felt right. I'd never really driven before but it took me back to the times when Dad was teaching me and Mel to drive in the dead of night, where nobody could catch us. It was relaxing. The cool summer air blowing back my hair. I rustled around the glove compartment looking for some music then found some. SCORE! Some good music! I let the music blast out. Let myself be buried in the lyrics and guitar. I could drive like this forever. Unfortunately I was running out of gas. I stopped in the next town to fill up. Thank the souls for not having to pay! Everything was just going my way. I filled up, waved to the soul at the counter who pleasantly waved back at me and I carried on driving. Nothing and no-one could hinder my journey. When I started to reach LA, which was in a few hours at the speed I was driving, it was nearing light. I couldn't look for her during the day so I'd have to stay somewhere. I drove around aimlessly round the streets of LA, looking for something to do. The souls were beginning to wake up and emerge from their houses. This was risky. I had to get into hiding somewhere. Suddenly, I hit the brakes. The temptation to turn right was too great. It was dangerous yes, but I had to see our old house. I turned into Lincoln Heights. If there was any chance of seeing her again it would be here. She moved into the house opposite us about a year before the souls arrived.

I stopped just outside Willow House, looking up at it. It had barely changed. There was a distinct difference to it from all the other houses. It was the only one that wasn't looked after, the only one that had weeds growing all over the front garden; the paint on the doors and fences was stripped. The door opposite this house opened and I ducked down quickly. I waited for about ten minutes then sat up slowly. Nobody was there. I started up the car again and drove it round the house to the back and into the garage. Then stepped out into the garden. It was like a jungle, wild and free. I always wanted the garden to be like this and secretly, I think dad did too. But he knew mum would kill him. I almost left my guitar in the car but then decided against it and grabbed it. Who knows? My amp might still be there. I knew I shouldn't get hopeful but still.

I walked to the back door, and ran my hands all over it, checking for weak points. Obviously the handle didn't turn. I took a few steps back then ran and side kicked the door off its hinges. I winced and the sound it made, listening carefully for any noises. I thought I heard a gasp but I couldn't see anyone so I concluded it to being me. Stepping into the kitchen was weird, it felt wrong. Mum was always in here. She was always cooking or something. And it used to be warm, and sunny. It was dark, musty and there was dust clinging to everything. I shook my head in disbelief, and then walked up the stairs to my room. My room was on the right. I chose that one because it had a huge window, overlooking our garden and the fields past it. It was the most beautiful view and I loved sitting there, feet hanging out on a summer's day, just strumming. Singing to her.

My door creaked open and my jaw fell open. It looked exactly how I recently left it! Why hadn't the souls taken our stuff?! I wanted to go to Mel's room to see if they had taken her stuff but I was too excited seeing all my old stuff again. There was something wrong though. My carpet had been shuffled all the way to the other end of the room, my bed was actually made, and there was a book on my bed…I didn't really read that much. And I was pretty sure I had never seen that before. It was the only thing not covered in dust. I walked over to it and picked it up, turning it over in my hands. I had never seen this before, never even heard of it. How was it in my room? I dropped it on the bed and walked round my room slowly. Why had everything changed? It was so perfect. Except, I knew secretly that I was glad it had changed coz otherwise I would have never found Wanda. I did kinda wish I was still living here though. Still going to school. Still eating spaghetti tacos as my mum made them. Oh great. I wish the alien invasion had never taken place for spaghetti tacos? I really was going insane. Then something black caught my eye. A small black box.

"No way!" I exclaimed, running over to it. I ran my hand across the top of the box, brushing off all the dust. I remembered when I got it for Christmas one year. It wasn't wrapped up, it just had a large red bow on it. It was still in good shape. It was soo tempting…I really badly wanted to play. My room was sound proof after all; my mum had made sure of that when I had really got into playing. I made the decision quickly, grabbing the cord and plugging it in. I didn't even know if the electricity was on. I held my breath, praying it'd switch on. I flicked the switch and the little LED light came on.

"Yes!" I whispered. I stood up and practically ran across my room to seize a cord from the wall, grabbed the electric guitar, standing calmly against my chair, almost waiting to be played. I should really have noted down that this was moved as well but I was too excited to care. It registered in the back of my mind but the anticipation was too great. I got everything plugged in, turned the amp right up (nobody could hear anyway) and strummed one huge note real quick. The sound vibrated right across my room.

"WOOOHOOO!" I yelled, happiness overwhelming me. I'd almost forgotten why I was even here.

I started playing one of the first songs I ever heard. It was off the tv program Hannah Montana. Mel used to have an obsession with it and this was a good song. It was a rockin' song. I only remembered the bridge and the chorus clearly.

"Life is for dreamers and I'm a believer  
That nothing can stand in our way today  
Let's find a place to play

Turn this park into a club, the stars are lights  
And the moon is so bright from above  
Skateboard here's all right  
So pull on up, everyone is waiting for us

Anywhere we are, anywhere we go  
Everybody knows, we got the party with us  
Anywhere we are, anywhere we go  
Everybody knows, we got the party with us"

I played one huge note to finish. Ahh…I'd missed this. I'm sure I could figure that out acoustically. I was just thinking about it when there was a thud in my closet. Talk about cliché. The monster in the closet. But this wasn't funny. I lifted the guitar off my quickly and quietly, crouching down in a defensive position. I gently put my guitar down and advanced on the closet. Wait. I should have a weapon of something. My hand groped around for something and I pulled it back to my chest. What was this? A pillow? Great. pillows do a lot of damage. But right now, I wasn't sure I wanted to do damage. Wanda disliked violence. How could I prove myself worthy if I hurt someone? I dropped the pillow. I could do more damage with my fist anyway. I'm sure Wanda wouldn't mind one itty bitty punch. Opening the door would be a mistake. They could leap at me or something.

"Come out," I said out loud. The door creaked open.

"Step out, where I can see you," I commanded, trying to sound like Jared. Everyone listened to him. Suddenly, I was whacked in the stomach with a pole. I flew back against the wall. I hastily tried to stand up. Wait, weren't souls supposed to be non-violent?

"Wait," I croaked. This obviously wasn't a soul so I figured there'd be no point hiding my identity, "I'm human too. Don…" I began but the pole swung towards me again and whacked me.

"You're not human! Don't try to give me that shit! You took everything from me!" I heard a familiar voice yell.

"No…Ash…Wait!" The pole was swinging a third time towards me but froze mid air. I doubled over to protect myself, retching.

"How do you know who I am?" She whispered in a low voice.

"It's me…Jamie, Stop. Please don't hit me again," I coughed out.

"Jamie? How do I know you aren't one of them?" She yelled.

"I'm not. Just stop. I'll prove it to you. Just wait," I muttered hoarsely. I stood up slowly, wincing in pain and grabbed the torch I always kept on my bedside table, shining the light into my eyes.

"See. Human. I'm not a soul," I said quickly, my eyes watching the stick she had in her hand. It was too dark to see what it was.

"Jamie," she murmured. I nodded, moaning in pain as I shifted my weight.

"Did you really have to hit me so hard?" I asked, rubbing where she had hit me in the stomach.

"Jamie," she murmured again then threw herself at me. I staggered back a few paces. Her soft blonde hair covered my face.

"I missed you," she murmured over and over again. Feeling her hug me like this was wrong. It felt wrong. It felt like I was betraying Wanda. But on the other hand, it felt nice. It felt like there was none of the awkwardness me and Wanda had. And there wasn't. There was no awkwardness. There was nobody restricting us from being together. There wasn't anyone like Ian. I didn't feel any love for her though. I remained still through the hug.

"I knew. I had this feeling. I knew you were okay. I knew you'd come back. I've been here for ages. Just waiting for you. I realized this a few years ago. I couldn't ever love Jack. Then when he got changed, he got a soul put in him. He led the souls back to me. Jamie, it was so scary. I couldn't love Jack coz I love you Jamie. I always have. It was a mistake what I did," She whispered, clutching me tightly.

Ah crap. But I don't love you, I wanted to scream. Her fingers stroked the back of my neck and I shivered. Everyone knew my weak spot. Wanda Wanda Wanda…I tried to get myself to focus. I couldn't get caught up with Ash. I was in love with Wanda. Ashley's fingers trailed across my face and she leaned in…I jerked back quickly.

"So," I laughed nervously, "How have you been getting food and stuff?" I asked quickly, stepping back against the wall. My foot crooked against the wall disallowing her to come closer to me.

She looked hurt as she replied, "I've been taking it from others houses when they're out to work. Not much, so they don't notice but enough for me. Where have you been?" She asked, composing herself once again.

"My uncle Jeb has a hiding place. We've been staying there," I said casually. Why did I tell her that?! Now I have to bring her! Dammit Dammit Dammit. Why do I always just blurt stuff out like that?!

"We?" she picked up on.

I nodded, "Me, Mel, and other humans." I didn't mention Wanda. Why didn't I mention Wanda? I opened my mouth to explain about her but Ashley interrupted me.

"Jamie, I've missed you so bad," she whispered. Oh no. I knew that tone. Lust coloured her voice. She got like that often with me but I had never kissed her coz it didn't feel right. She walked forward and pressed her body close to me.

"Ash. No," I said quietly. She reached up on her tiptoes. I didn't have time to pull away. Her lips pressed against mine softly. My mind screamed at me to stop. Wanda Wanda Wanda. But my body had other ideas. It was still built up in lust for Wanda. I kissed her back harder and a surprised moan escaped her. Her mouth opened with mine and I felt a thrill of euphoria. Something that was supposed to be right. It was right this. She was of my species, she was familiar and she loved me truly. Except I felt guilty coz I couldn't love her. She probably still thought that I had never kissed anyone. Hell I had done more than that. My lust was overpowering me. Who did it matter I had sex with anyway, I needed sex. Woah. Did I just say that? Did I just say I needed sex? I didn't need sex. I needed love. I needed Wanda. I shoved her off me, almost roughly. She stumbled backwards.

"No." I stated firmly.

She looked at me confused and then anger arrived in her eyes in the form of tears, "What is wrong with you?! Are you gay or something? Why can't you stand to kiss anyone? What's so wrong about it?!" she yelled at me. I didn't even flinch. Oh if she knew…The temptation to tell her was so great, just so she'd get off my case. But…if I was bringing her back to the caves, she couldn't know.

"I have my reasons," I muttered quietly.

She nodded then went over to the closet, grabbing a bag of something.

"What are you doing?" I asked, nervously.

"Leavin' since you obviously don't want me," she spat out, viciously.

This was the reason I had come. I couldn't let her leave like this.

"No wait," I whispered, going over and slipping my hand into hers.

"Don't go. I came for you and I want you to come with me," I murmured. I was improvising right now.

"Why? So you can hurt me or something?" she asked, clearly upset.

I shook my head, "No. I…" I hesitated. I couldn't say I loved her coz I didn't. "I can provide safety. You don't have to run any more," I whispered.

"Why should I come with you? It's clear you don't want me. I'm just going to get hurt," she muttered, pulling away from me.

"I won't hurt you," I promised. I knew instantly that this wasn't a promise I could keep. As if she could read my mind, she frowned. I sighed internally. I needed her to come with me. I needed to know she was safe. I may not love her but I certainly did care about her. I leant forward and brushed my lips against her gently. She gasped, then kissed me harder, leaning her weight into me. I squeezed my eyes shut, _Please forgive me Wanda, _I whispered in my mind then let her pull me to my bed. She pushed me down on the bed, kissing me hard. I couldn't do anything. Did I really want her to come back with us this bad? So bad, that I was betraying Wanda? What if Wanda found out? Would I lose her forever? A small tear escaped my eye. I had to get her to come back with me. I twisted round so she was pressed against the bed, and kissed her more forcefully. She slipped her hands under the waistband of my jeans. I froze. She giggled quietly underneath me. Yes I was hard. No I wasn't hard for her! I slid off her and the bed.

"We should get going. It's a long drive," I coughed nervously. I helped her off the bed but I didn't judge my strength right and she swung up against me. She raised her hand to stroke my cheek but I stepped back quickly.

"I'm gonna take my guitars…" I trailed off. She stepped up to me and pressed herself close to me.

"This place…we're going, its quite public right? There's a lot of people," she asked. I nodded, trying to clear my head. I really had to do something about my lust. I needed like an anti-lust tablet or something. She slipped one hand under the waistband of my jeans again.

"Maybe we can stay another night here?" she asked seductively. I couldn't help but nod, my body completely ruling over my actions. I pushed her back to the bed, slamming her down and kissed her passionately. My mind just switched off. I knew right then I was going to let her do whatever she wanted. She rolled me over so she was on top of me and unbuttoned my jeans quickly and expertly. This pained me for some reason. She said she loved me but she had obviously had sex before…I was glad that I wouldn't have to take her virginity though, hurting Wanda had hurt me enough. I couldn't get hurt again. As she stroked my length, my mind started to work again. Why was I really doing this? I loved Wanda. Why should I betray Wanda like this? But I knew that I was already in too deep and I couldn't stop her now. I shuddered violently.

"Relax," she breathed across my lips, pulling my shirt off.

"Ashley," I moaned. I meant it as an attempt, a feeble attempt at that, but an attempt none-the-less to get her to stop. She interpreted it as an encouragement. Her lips travelled down my stomach. I so wished it was Wanda's lips. I wanted it to be Wanda making me feel like this. I shut my eyes tightly, closing off my senses, allowing her to do what she wanted. She pulled down my jeans and boxers. I heard a gasp but felt no smugness like I had with Wanda. She began licking my length, painfully slow. I was trembling now. From shock, fear but most of all _lust. _I wanted to stop this so badly.. She kissed the tip of my cock gently, nibbling on it. I was torn. I loved this feeling that she was giving me and I wanted her to keep going but I also wanted this to stop. I wanted Wanda. Not Ashley. It was going too far. She took me fully into her mouth and I restrained a moan. It felt so _good!_ She began to pump me in and out of her mouth, increasing in speed. One hand flew to her head, entangling my fingers in her hair, pressing her to me. My hips started to buck towards her, forcing her to take me faster and deeper. Who was I kidding? It could never be this rough with Wanda. It was soft, slow, sweet and passionate with Wanda. With Ashley, there was no love so it was raw, rough, pure hot sex, almost like a punishment. She began to squeeze and roll my balls around with her hands. I knew I was getting close. I couldn't restrain much longer.

"Ash…move," I managed to gasp out. She continued to suck hard on me. I released into her and she swallowed every drop. That was just so damn sexy. She removed her mouth from me, laughing as she licked it a final time. I shook under her, trembling madly, trying to stop panting. I felt guilty as hell. I wasn't being true to Wanda. She was probably back at the caves worried sick about me. I began to sit up to tell her to stop but I froze at what I saw. She was already positioning me at her entrance. My eyes travelled up her. During my mental blabbing, she had stripped down to…well nothing. And man, she was fucking sexy. Wanda was petite, beautiful and fragile, like an angel but Ashley was in a total different league. It was like the word sexy was made for her. She was tanned, not small and fragile, but curvy and strong. I shook out of the daze I was in and looked into her eyes. Couldn't she see the pain she was causing me? Was she that heartless? She winked at me. Guess not. Then, she began to lower herself onto me. She stopped before she was totally in, pausing, adjusting to my size I guess. And then I felt it. The barrier. Crap crap crap crap crap. I looked at her and she was trying to conceal her pain. I couldn't take two girls' virginities! Especially not one that I wasn't in love with. But then again, I wanted to cause Ashley pain. She had caused me so much pain and she was again but in a different way. She wanted me to betray Wanda. I flipped her over so that she was pressed against the mattress, pressing into her fully. I didn't wait, like I had with Wanda because I didn't love Ashley. And I wanted to cause her pain. Yeah, I knew it was sick but I couldn't help it. I pulled out of her then slammed into her again. She whimpered in pain. I continued this as my lust began to become satisfied. I showed her no mercy as I continually pounded in and out of her. I felt myself nearing the edge again so I pulled out of her quickly, pumped myself a couple of times with my hand then came all over the carpet. She lay there, on the bed, in pure agony. I hadn't pleased her after putting her in pain. I'd left her hanging. Something I wouldn't, couldn't ever do with Wanda. A few seconds later, reality hit me. I'd just had sex with my ex-girlfriend probably making her fall more in love with me. I'd betrayed Wanda. Ah crap. I put my head in my hands, tears falling freely. What had I done?

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**so yeah...slight twist to the story. :P Jamie's really suicidal. lol. dont worry!!! i wont make him die...yet :P nah i dont know. i dont think he'll die yet. :P im kinda playing out my emotions in this story. its kinda different but like his confusion, i feel that. i didnt want him to kiss me. i've never wanted him to kiss me. he's my best friend. of course i dont want that. I dunno how stuff will play out. i guess i have to wait. getting highly addicted to twitter. its not normal. hmm.....ah well. im not normal. **

**Question: How happy are you that the Giants AND the Lakers won last night? Twas awesome!!!!!**

**Hope you enjoyed that Chapter. **

**Peace out x**


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAAPTER TEN!!! ENJOY X**

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After a few minutes, Ash kneeled on the bed and padded over to me. I could hear her sucking in gasps of pain. She wrapped her legs and arms around me, sitting coiled around my back. The tears stopped as soon as she did that and I raised my head slowly. Her fingers toyed with the little hairs on the back of my neck making me shiver.

"I quite liked it," she lied quietly. I squeezed my eyes tight.

"Look, you didn't really hurt me that much. You can't hurt me physically. I'll be fine," she whispered. I shuddered guiltily. She thought I was upset for hurting her. I was the farthest thing from that. I didn't even feel pity or sympathy. I could only feel guilt. How would I face Wanda?

"What are you thinking?" she murmured, tracing her fingers down my chest into more sensitive territory. I shuddered again as she slowly traced my hardening length.

"You're never this quiet. You're only quiet when you're writing a song. Is that what you're doing right now?" She asked, pressing her lips against my back whilst cupping my cock in her slim hand. My head nodded without meaning, falling backwards against her shoulder. She shuffled round me so she was sat on my lap and was facing me. Her hands slipped under my hair and she kissed me softly. I lent back and the hand that was cupping me slid off to rest on my stomach. My body, which I had no control over, shuffled back so her hand was back on my cock and I think she got the idea then of what I wanted. I don't know why I was urging her to do this. I didn't even want this. I'm surprised she was even obliging after me not pleasing her. I didn't even want her to do this again. I fucking loved Wanda. Why was I getting some slut to give me a fucking blowjob? I grabbed her waist before her mouth could touch me and slammed her onto the bed next to me, breathing hard.

"We have to go. Now," I said in a cold voice, trying to remove all emotion from my voice. I got off the bed and pulled my jeans up, buttoning them.

"Well hang on there," came a sexy voice from behind me, "Aren't you going to give me something in return?" Reluctantly, I turned round.

Man, she was just so fucking sexy. My eyes settled on the wet folds clearly displayed to me between her legs. She propped herself up on her elbows and rubbed herself in between her legs. I dropped to my knees in front of her, mesmerized by what I saw. She held out those fingers for me and my mouth claimed them eagerly sucking on them vigorously. She guided me to her centre and my tongue so very almost flicked out when I remembered being in this same position less than a day ago. My head snapped back abruptly.

"We really need to go," I said, dizzily. I must really love Wanda. Suddenly I couldn't wait to see her again. Grudgingly, I held out my hand to Ashley.

"Come on," I muttered. My thoughts were just purely of Wanda. I forced a smile onto my face. I left off my shirt as I went over to my closet. I paused before I opened the door and asked jokingly, "There's nobody else in here is there?"

Ashley smiled and quickly got dressed. I pulled out a bag and my hoodie leather jacket. Now this was what I was talking about. I stuffed the jacket and my shirt into the bag. Now came the hardest moment. Which guitars to take…Of course I wanted to take them all. But I couldn't take all 8 of them. I suppose there'd be no point taking my electric guitars because there's no proper electricity at the caves. That rules out 5. So three left excluding Wanda's. I had to take Wanda's of course. I'm guessing I should take, at the most, two, including Wanda's. This meant one. I knew instantly, that there'd be no choice. The one Mum and Dad got me for my birthday one year. It was particularly special because Dad had got it from England. He had flown to England the day before my birthday and bought it for me. It was black with blue swirled into it and the most special thing of all; it had a George Michael signature signed into the side of it. I caressed it in my hands, memories flooding back to me. I shook my head bringing me back into the present, glancing over at Ashley. Something came to my mind then. I remembered Mum showing me something. She said to give it to the person I really loved. I had almost given it to Ashley all those years ago. I wonder….was it still there? I gasped then ran out of the room.

"Jamie?" Ash called after me but I wasn't paying attention. I sprinted across the old Victorian hallway into my mum and dad's room, heading straight for the corner. Mum had always believed that she had to hide her jewellery just in case thieves broke in. I pulled away the wood lining the wall and sure enough the hole was still there. I felt around until my hand grasped a small velvet bag. I heard footsteps so I quickly replaced the wood and shoved the bag into my pocket, turning to face Ashley.

"Are you okay?" she asked, concerned.

I nodded breathlessly. She frowned at me.

"Come on. Meet me in the car," I said, moving past her to my room. I grabbed my bag and the two guitars and headed towards the car. I put my stuff in the back seat and then climbed into the front, pulling out the velvet bag. It was dark blue with a silver heart sewn in. I pulled out the necklace inside it and gasped at the beauty of it like I had every time Mom had shown it to me. It was perfect for Wanda. So delicate. Just like her. She'd love it! I hoped. I gently placed it in the bag and carefully replaced it in my pocket. Now came the hard bit. I had to talk to Ash about not being a couple at the caves. Hmm….how to go about this?

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**sooo...you like? me no like :( i dont know why. this chapter just seemed a bit dragged on... ah well. DARIUS i love at him. you probably wont even remember him but his songs may just possibly feature in this story..hint hint:p just kidding. well i dunno. see how it turns out. :D im kinda really really really really happy today. it was winter prom last week and wow it was just magical. it was all snowy so me and david went for a walk and lemme just tell you, he knows how to make a girl feel beautiful and loved. :P it was sooo romantic. he gave me his coat :D the cheeseball :P and then we went back to his house and maybe things got a little carried away. and i liked it. alot. made me forget all the bad things. NO WE DIDNT HAVE SEX but yeah. :P i love him :P wow i have used wayyyy to many emoticans in this LOL im really really really happy :D i was eager to get this finished though. its not gonna be the last chapter but you may need to wait off a while. i have major finals coming up so yeah. ill see if i have time kay? best i can promise. anyhoo, hope you enjoyed it**

**Peace out x**


	11. Chapter 11

So hey. i know i've not put any thing up in ages so this is just like a little chapter. i'll upload another one today or tommorow. sorry. just been like pretty hectic. this is probably a really bad chapter but enjoy anyway. x

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We drove in silence most of the way. I kept my eyes glued to the road, unwilling to look at her as I contemplated how to tell her that we couldn't be a couple. I felt her gaze on me a lot of the time. Finally I spoke.

"I don't think it's gonna be possible to be together at the caves," I said, eyes fixed on the road.

"Why?" she asked in a desperate pleading voice. I can't tell her the truth…my mind grasped around for any excuse.

"My friend, well my sister's boyfriend doesn't like that sort of thing happening, he's really protective and I don't think he'll accept you," I lied.

"Oh, okay. Well we can sneak around," she said reaching up to stroke the back of my neck. I let her, restraining my shivers.

"I'm not gonna go against him," I said.

"Come on, where's all your secretiveness gone?" She murmured seductively.

"Ashley, I'm not that type of guy," I said, subtly leaning away from her.

She recoiled, hurt. "Well you seemed to be in your bedroom!" she exclaimed. I shuddered.

"Look what happened back in my bedroom…I'm not exactly proud of that. And maybe if I'd been thinking properly like I am now, it wouldn't have happened because I'm really sorry, but I just really…I'm really not feeling any _emotions_ for you right now," I explained.

Her eyes narrowed to slits like snakes eyes. Oh crap. Yeah, I knew that look. That was the look she got when she wasn't happy. The look just before she always got her way. Jeez, she really was just a bitch through and through. I can't remember what I ever saw in her. But, at the back of my mind, I did. I knew why. Because she was beautiful. Drop dead gorgeous. And, in the first few months that I knew her, she was the most caring, the kindest person I had ever met. After that, she changed. I blamed her changing down to the fact that she was growing up, and that she had needs that I just wasn't prepared to satisfy. I was prepared to satisfy those types of needs, but not for her. I sighed heavily.

"Look, I'm sorry. That was harsh," I began. I saw her cross her arms from the corner of my eye. I can't tell her the truth. The next thing I say or do is gonna determine whether she blabbers at the caves or not…think Jaim, think! There was only one solution. _Oh Wanda, please forgive me._ I whispered in my mind. I swerved over to the side of the road.

"Okay, Ashley, listen to me," I said. She'd turned her head away from me. Argh!

I grabbed her face gently and pulled it round so her eyes were locked on mine. I knew she couldn't look away because she always had trouble looking away from my eyes when they were focused on her. She told me they were the only things holding her to the earth and I didn't know if that was true or not but I was gonna use that to my advantage now.

"Look, what happened in my bedroom scared me," I was making this up as I went along, "I don't know what I would of done. Those emotions going through me, I wanted to hit something or…someone. And I can't risk you being there and hurting you when my emotions go overboard like that. It's true about my friend being protective about me but only coz he has experienced me having those emotions before," I remembered hitting Jared. This was a good angle I was coming from. The anger in her eyes seemed to be melting.

My face softened. "So do you understand? I need to just get a hold on my emotions before I do anything else or get involved with anyone else," I explained softly, "Okay?"

She nodded, mesmerized. Was I really that good looking? She was staring at me as if I was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen. Strange…Wanda looked at me like that too…huh…maybe I was handsome…I laughed internally at that and shook my head to get it out of my head. I'm not good looking. Haha. Anyway, distracted. Where was I? Oh yeah, break up with Ash. She was still staring at me through this whole mental babble.

"So can we try be friends?" I asked, softly.

She jumped as if startled from a trance and smiled. I didn't like that smile…

"For now," she said, seductively.

I sighed and released her face. She held out her arms for a hug. I watched her warily as I went in for it. I wasn't sure whether I was imagining it or not but it felt like her lips brushed against my neck. I coughed nervously and pulled away, leaning as far away as I could. She smiled and I could just imagine her going awwww. I could just imagine wringing out her neck just as clearly. My fingers flexed and I snapped out of it. I gave a hesitant smile and started up the car again.

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yeah i know its really short, and you're gonna be really disappointed in me. which is why im not gonna ask a question or ask you to review or anything coz i feel guilty. im sorry. another one coming up soon! xx

Peace out! x


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